Welcome to piggyjen's new world

2009-03-26T23:04:00.002+09:00

haven blog in such a long time.

graduated but jobless. now doing a training course, hopefully i can gain unpaid experience in companies and perform well enough for them to hire me. if not is back to S'pore.

but i feel super guilty if i can't get a job here. i have wasted my dad's money again and again...
so depressed that i can't get any job or even get PR here.

on 18th april, i retaking the IELTS again. I really wish i can get all 7 this time round or else i really don't know what to do anymore.

i think i will be missing her wedding. so sad as i want to go. sigh

as nigel, no news from him for a week. last we chat was 18th of march. I hope is he being a jerk and not replying me rather than something really bad happen.

i keep thinking is something bad happen. i have this feeling is because in the past he gets injured at work. went in hospital a few times.

i should not be having this such strong feelings or even wonder what happen to a person i hardly know. am i over reacting? truly hope is he just being a jerk. at least he still living in the world

i dun know... i keep sms him but he hasn't reply any. i dun know.. sigh...

but i more stress with my life now.. jobless. sigh... tired now.. blog soon

crappy past 2 weeks

2008-12-25T09:01:00.001+09:00

These past 2 weeks was a crappy week!!!

Was busy with work, tired.. and it was my visa delay issue.. then to top it off, emma took the washing machine and her mum now say the place is unfurnished. The rest will remain until further notice.

Crap! now have to find house. Anyway i intend to find a place near city anyway.. so i did. looked at 5 places so far and found one decent, reasonable one to stay. Rent slightly more ex but near city is bound to be ex.

haven confirm yet as i just saw it ytd. My parents ok with it so i sms the person this morning and will call in the afternoon to confirm.

and hopefully can move in ASAP. went to do my laundry at laundry mat... tiring and costly.

so now i'm packing up my stuffs. its just been such a crappy week.

Now so many need to change once i move. like need change all my address... haiz.. argh!!!...

dealing with it.

2008-12-10T02:52:00.000+09:00

I PASSED!!!!

I'm finally graduating!!!!

I'm offically a degree holder...

My dad so proud till he cry...
makes me want to cry too!!!

Waiting for results... some updates

2008-12-09T23:41:00.002+09:00

waiting for my results. Hope i pass all, i want to pass all. I want to grad!!!

17mins to go.....

some updates so far. Confirm doing the training course. have already paid the deposit. Now working and saving as much as i can in hope i can pay off the 3 grand to start the semester or at least part of it.

It starts is Feb 26th, 2 days after my graduation. So, i will be going for my graduation holiday early.

Now looking for a new place near city cos nearer to subiaco where i go for training and near where i currently working as casual. Still looking.

Got my Automatic licence last week. Picture looks funny but have to stick to it if not have to pay to retake. Maybe getting a car of my own next year.
That's what my dad says but we'll see how it goes.

Bought the complete series of Stephenie Meyer's book - Twilight Saga. I hope it is nice to read.

8 more mins.....

6 more mins....

oh.. she told me her wedding on 22th and ask me to be a bridesmaid..
so happy and honoured! But provided i can return back in time and i can manage to take a break from the training program... argh!!!

feels like i already planned the next 6 months ahead. Not use in doing things like this.

about him... he seems truthful, sincere and really nice... That is in our conservations. we haven chat on the phone yet. But i tend to wonder what if our perception of each other is interpreted wrongly by our thinking?

I think he would think the same too. Cos assume he is for real, he too will think am i for real. right?

so i think we will take things slow... when i happen to get back spore and we plan to meet up then see how from there. Nothing might even happen. hmmm... true.. but of cos i do want some chemistry to work or something... Oh man! i'm just being desperate.

1 more min

>1 min....

the time has come...
oh gosh
strike 12 already

let's see if i can get online...
brb to update the results!

2008-11-18T16:09:00.002+09:00

Finally... no more exams!!!!

But i'm so sick now... down with a flu and fever.

feel horrible....

I finally say ' i miss you' to Nigel. Oh god... am i moving too fast? He sounds quite serious in what he says... hmm... i dun know.. maybe like this song... its all a joke... faith is playing me. Or maybe i'm desperate to think it is going to work out... i dun know...

getting some rest now... tired

2008-11-12T01:01:00.005+09:00

just finish one exam. The only one i was super stressed about. I do hope i pass, my friend think i will pass, but i do not feel the confident on what i wrote. I know some calculation i am wrong... i dun know.

Now my next paper is friday. not so stress.. but want to aim high... striving for it. :) then next tuesday is last one.. then i'm free.....

have an marketing job interview after exam... dun remember even applying for it. Will not stress, cos its not like i'm going to get it. But i need get accounting job if i want get PR. hmm...

My friend suggest i study CPA program to help me find job. My mum ask me to see if do Master better... Master is better to get PR but when you are master ppl in the world request more from you. Now as an undergrad already request you have experience.... so stressful. I know my parents want me get job here as whole world is on recession. So in singapore will be worst.. and pay low. hmmm.... I need find job first.. ppl must hire me.. My god.. not easy find...

i will try here first, if unsucessful then i will return to Singapore. Not getting younger, both CPA and master during is roughly the same but CPA is cheaper in fees as only 6 units. Master is 12 units, 4 each sem... haiz!!!

Can't worry now, have to focus on exam first.

A little update on Nigel, hmm... he send me a mtv video.. its a chinese song, title 'i want to say', then chorus is i want to say i cannot live without you...etc. I try not to interpret too much. I just say nice song.. who is the singer etc... act as blur as possible.

he still constant say he miss me and send the monkey kiss icon.. i just response like, how sweet or just a smile icon. I scared to put too much feel to this 'online relationship'. Its just me, i cannot get pass the fact that i haven met him in person and know him as a person, i cannot say things like i miss him now...it just feels not right.

i want say it only when i mean it. i'm not being silly am i? Then today, i heard a song, its actually saying how i feel now towards him. chorus is like i think i'm starting to like you but i just met you, i guess i'm starting to like you but are you for real???.... you listen on my blog if you understand chinese... hehe

hmm.... dreaming to much.. i know.... back to studies now.. will keep you updated...

Finding love at the wrong place?

2008-10-02T00:11:00.003+08:00

Meet someone online recently. He is nice. He is 24 in singapore. working as a chef and part-time musician. Sounds very interesting yet intimidating. He is a year younger yet he sounds he has achieved so much in life. and me being a year older is only just finishing a degree.

we chatted for quite some time but for most of the time he is away as he is sick with an eye infection. when we chat, he sometimes will say things i miss you... i didn't reply as i think is still too early to say that to someone who you just met online and haven met. But i do miss him when he never online.

am i being a hypocrite? saying one thing yet feeling another. am i really falling for him?

i hardly doubt it cos i never met him, i hardly know him. i think is mentally i am desperate to find love. then i tend to find it at a wrong place. so see how it goes.. you never know what will happen... hmm.... back to my assignment....

So so sad

2008-07-26T15:01:00.002+08:00

So so sad! i didn't get the PR points i want again. reading short of 0.5 again! damn it! i can stay on 15 points but total overall PR i need 120. and i'm short of 10. if i get 25, i have enough points to get PR.

Dec will be my last try to get PR. if i still dun get it, then it is return back to S'pore.

Driving test is in 2 weeks time... i hope i can make it... Jen you can do it!...

School starting next week. haven done any of the prereading yet.. or no!. I'm last semester. i need to work hard for it... Jia you!

ok study time! no time left.. have to work tmr so only left today to do some reading...

Now on holidays

2008-06-20T23:16:00.005+08:00

Finish my exams on monday, went home with kylie and took a nap. Watch tv and went bed early then on tuesday, rang the driving center to change test dates but no luck then went driving then went city to do my eye brows, walked around, had lunch - jap food then went shopping. Spent too much on clothes.. oh no! I cannot spent anymore.. as i'm broke and i won't be able to bring all my clothes home. Sigh!

then i wanted to trim my hair but didn't trust the hair salons and haven decided if i want to curl my hair yet. Afraid it won't turn out to be nice on my face. Sigh! Some ppl do look good with curls but some don't. I'm afraid i'm one of the ppl who won't look good in them.

worked since wednesday till today, so tired. have to work on sunday morning but going drinking with kylie and her friends at 10pm till 3+am.. i will be so tired by sunday but luckily i have monday off so i can sleep in.

need to wake up early tomorrow to wash my clothes... lots of clothes i need to wash and dry them... so tired.

want to start reading bus cap but so tired and no mood.. then want prepare for IELTS also no mood.. will do them tomorrow i think. tired tired tired... hope my com wun crush again... tired of restoring it... haiz... yet cannot back a new version. data error.. sigh!

Missing him again... wonder how is he and of cos his dog JD. hehe... I think he is either in S'pore back to his new posting for the next 6 months or still in France and leaves tomorrow.

I'm just waiting someone to win my heart so i could forget him completely. where are you????

2008-06-15T01:26:00.002+08:00

One more to go - last paper for this sem. Hope i do ok in it and for my other papers, fingers cross!

Mum told me Daniel is going back Sg for 6 mths then after return France again but doesn't mean anything. Nothing will ever happen as he is still a million years away from me.. (See.. i'm starting to imagine things again!)

I keep telling myself I need to face reality, nothing will happen but my mind likes to go the opposite way. Maybe i should stop saying that then maybe he will slowly fade away from my mind and memory.

How i wish, the only time that will happen is when u not breathing anymore. When will find my the other half? Saw grey's episode last week, story about a woman who had no boyfriend all her life, now in her 40 to 50's found a soul mate on a curise but no one believed her as they believe it was just an illusion caused by her brain tumor not even her own sister. Everyone tries to convince her its not real, making her lose her will to live. I don't want that! I don't to be only in my 40 or 50 then find my first love and everyone thinks its impossible and no one believes you as all my life i'm a loner.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A LONER!!!! why no one likes me? is it because i'm fat, ugly or basically hairy??!! I know i have a lot of my dad's genes in me that is causing me to be very hairy but i'm not a bad person but why? Maybe i just haven really love the way i look and feel yet. I can say its a bit hard with what i have but i'm trying, i'm really am!

Oh man! i think its hard to love me no wonder ppl dun love me. Sigh! oh well! got to love myself... will try! got to slp now.. 2am need to study tmr!

I'm not ready

2008-06-06T23:27:00.002+08:00

I'm not ready, not ready for anything!! I'm not ready for the main road yet. I thought i was but i panic when we went on highway with so many cars so near me. My instructor a little dissapointed so was I. So many of my friends learning driving, I bet they are way better than me. Sigh! Why am such a scary cat or shall i say a scary pig?! But i have to face it cos my driving test is coming. I will try again next week.

I'm not ready for the exams. Its 2 days away.. i'm scared but i have to be prepared and pass them all. No more delays. No more repeats. Simply can't afford to repeat.

i'm not ready to go out to the world to work yet cos lack of experience and afraid i will do bad in the first job or unable to find one.

I know i'm a worry freak and stress freak but that's me. Me and my study plans.. never work... slack by so much... oh gosh..

miss my family. Miss him of cos.. A BIG BIG NONO! very hard to process the words impossible between us.. LOL.. but have to face the reality. He is such a good catch, yet he remains - sure has his reasons. So many good looking gals with better qualifications and other matching personailities with him - even if he decides to look for 'the one', i won't stand a chance anyway so have to move on and move on quick.

Don't want Joe's words to come true - i only get my first true love when i'm in my 30's. NO!NO!NO! Sometimes i wonder what i lack when all my friends are getting so many ex-boyfriends or they are in a strong relationship. Am i that bad that no one likes me as who i am?!

Its very depressing! Sigh! no time left.. have to get back to my studies! Love angel will you come soon for me????

2008-05-20T19:14:00.002+08:00

oh my, haven blog for so long! well as usual busy with uni. exams in 2 weeks. Not much time left! Sigh! Having lab test this friday worth 30%, have to pass and pass it well! then have one taxation quiz next week worth 10% then another mini test for finance worth 5%. need that! simply a few % can make a difference between passing and failing. I learnt that the hard way! Don't want to go through that again. I don't want to put my family through that again!

Driving so far... hmm... i don't know. Instructor says i'm good but i don't feel that way! I'm not confident. Tomorrow is my 2nd last lesson and i have to ring for a test appointment after that. Oh shits! Sigh!

Now i'm worried on driving and studies but of cause studies come first. I'm just not confident in 3 units. Hmm... Have to work very hard!

Have been thinking about him lately, wonder he doing in France. I know i cannot let my mind run wild but the brain not listening. LOL! I do miss him though! My mum always talk about him. Sigh! Better drown myself in my books... lock him up somewhere in the mind for the next 3 -4 weeks. LOL... blog again when i can.. tata!

2008-04-29T00:20:00.004+08:00

Bought a new pair of boots last week. it was nice, comfy and i found my size plus.. its flat... love flat boots.. love heels but i'm never good in them... hehe... of cos i wish to wear nice boots with heels.. but i'm just not a heels person.. sigh...

anyway.. broke.. till i get a proper job, i will get heels for work..LOL.

week break over so that means exam is coming.. oh no.. jia you jen... have to pass...

driving lessons so far is ok.. but sturbon me.. still tend to drive too slow or too fast, turnings not so good. sobz... sigh... jia you! you can do this.

i still miss him but not that much anymore.. i think is a good thing.. no point lingering my feelings on him cos like i say before and my friends all think so.. nothing will happen... too many things to take into considerations.. so move on jen. maybe the right one is yet to come ... will it come in the next 5 years? before i turn 30? i do hope so.. but the love god might play a joke with me by never matching me with anyone.. LOL could i be lonely for my entire life?

i still remember what angie said to me abt 3-4 yrs ago..." i need to love myself first before someone else can love me" but how do you actually do that? i've been trying my best to love myself as much as i can... try to lose weight..etc... sigh...man, love and life... its just something hard to predict.... oh well..... am 25 now.... old.. like joe say... will i only get my first love at 28 and end happy or in tears? i dun know..

oi! love god, i know i not pretty and slim.. not perfect but not cruel or evil type.. why no one like me leh? sigh! .. back to my studies... sigh.. now must grad first... its the most important thing in life right now. dun wish to disappoint my family again!

2008-04-10T23:26:00.002+08:00

my new handphone pouch

thinking of him again

2008-04-01T21:39:00.002+08:00

i was trying my best not to think of him by going gym, taking my driving lesson, drown myself in my studies and work. basically doing anything other than thinking of him.

but things just pop in once in a while just like today.. wasn't thinking of him at all.. but so happen this guy who looks like him board the bus. sitting near me.. OMG! how to not to think of him??!!! Dun worry that is not him on the bus.. as i know he is in france now... ai yo! so look alike... my god.. i keep trying my best to look away and not thinking about him.. try to think something else like my poor leg - twisted it ytd. sobz so n gym for this week.

things like this always happen.. i mean abt him.. in uni.. at bus stop waiting for the bus.. my god.. saw a student that looks like him... so many ppl look like him.. am i seeing things??!! my god...

is my inner mind so desperate for a boyfriend that i am starting to imagine things? though at the age 25 still no boyfriend not like most of my friends who have plenty of it.. sometimes i do envy them... hmm.. maybe becos i am fat that's why no bf lah... working very hard to lose weight.. trying my best.. sobz... oh well back to my taxation.. got to finish so i can do audit.. its more scary!

2008-03-15T23:10:00.002+09:00

last night... thought of him again.. went face book to search for his name.. and guess what.. i found him.. this time is really him as there was a picture of him posing during CNY in one of the SG shopping center. not sure where could be tampiness but anyway... suprise to find him... the previous one i said i found one.. was a different one... haha.. this prove my friend wrong.. there can be more than one same name same surname in france. france so big.. LOL... kidding!

but found him, i didn't do a thing... just smile at the pic.. silly right... if i add him or poke him.. he will be thinking i actually spend time to search for him in facebook.. LOL... oh well... i believe i will forget him soon with my busy studies... super stress this week! tmr i have my tax quiz.. stress.. better get back to my studies...

but i still happy to see him in facebook

2008-03-14T19:19:00.002+09:00

i haven blog for a while... hmm.. where to start...

uni starts.. tax and audit is really tough. they both are important units and everyone ask me y i put them together. i dun know. sobz. now i haven chosen it.. i got to stick to it... can't fail.. nonono....

having a tax online quiz.. haven study yet. oh god... come on jen u can do it. i think on wed or tue i saw a guy that looks like daniel. damn it... make me think of him again.. sigh... anyway... i only can say.. oh well he is like million miles away. no chance lah... hehe... better get back to my books.. i'm 3 weeks behind!!!!! nonono

1/3/08

2008-03-02T13:24:00.002+09:00

Today i found out that i didn't manage to score grade 7 for all the 4 sections in my IELTS test so which means i won't be able to apply for PR. My friends over here ask me to retake. I don't know. Don't feel like retake. Not that i don't like perth. I do love it here. Its just my heart is with my sister. I miss her so much... excuse. i think i just miss the life in Singapore. but that doesn't mean i wun miss the life here. I will too. the main thing is i am afraid i might be able to get a job here. You need at least a PR to get a job plus they look at your grades. In SG, they look at your grades too but at least i dun have to worry abt the citizenship. so i think i will return to SG.

But i will still give driving another try. I am still scared. i still have the fear in driving... but i will force myself to overcome it... i hope i do.. but i think i will give myself a limit. if i fail 3 times. i think i will stop. i dun know. see how it goes.

yesterday came home, browse through facebook. i think i found him - daniel. no pic though so not for sure. but his location is in france with a few sinagpore friends. wondering is it him. it has his surname. haha.. oh no! i'm still thinking of him... come on jen.. forget him already.. its never going to happen... snap out of it... grow up... argh!!! okok.. better get back to my tutorials.. so many to read and do... 3rd yr units are really really really tough! all the best to me lah.

My whole trip in general

2008-02-24T17:35:00.002+09:00

I was advice that.. to write it short and simple... actually i am also kind of lazy to write alot.. hehe

this 2mths holiday i think is the best i can ever have. I went back to Sg first in mid dec to meet up with some of my friends. miss them dearly. met up with my relatives first of cos, met up with mingfen as i have to pass her the blueberry strudle, met up with my buddies from sec sch miss out charmian though.. pity, then met up with my poly friends and of cos a few of the friends from laos trip.

Then i was off to paris to meet up with my mum and dad. we tour the eiffel tower, arc de triomphe, chateau, chambord and many more. we tour paris for 5 days before heading back home at Bordeaux. we rest for a few days and heading to tour Lyon with my dad's collegues. we went to visit the church and snow mountain. played snowball with them.. it was fun. then we headed back bordeaux after 2 days for dinner and my dad went to work. so i stayed home with my mum. accompany her to buy groceries and stuffs while waiting for my sis to arrive in mid Jan.

When my sis came, we went on tour with a tour group to paris and italy. it was great fun. seen lots of historical buildings and took lots of pictures. hehe... the tour took 8 days. bought lots of souviners. End of the tour, we went back paris to get my LVs.. yeah! bought a wallet and key pouch... thks daddy. luv ya!

then we went back home to rest a few days then we were off to Andorra. Its a small country in between France and Spain. We went there for the snow mountain. nice! played snowballs again! the hotel we booked was nice too.. had a kitchen so we had steamboat for dinner. yummy!

then we went home at Bordeaux to help my mum in the CNY function dinner. my mum is in charge of doing the cold dish.. it took us a week. then we went to our ST's CNY dinner... it was fun and we went home and the next day we sat off to our final paris trip. after our trip, me and my sis flew back to S'pore. Miss my parents.

then at S'pore, i manage to meet up with my relatives, 2 of my sec sch buddies and my bowling friends. it was fun and great to meet up with them.. will miss them... hehe.. now back in perth .. uni is abt to start.. going to be busy.... start work 2mr... i shld be ok.. made a lot of changes in life lately.. now is see if i could keep up with and fulfil it... i will do my best... gtg now... blog soon!

2008-02-06T06:58:00.000+09:00

I think my sis has fallen for the same guy as me. oh dear! I can tell by the way she talks! she acts more sweet and gentle in front of him. Its not the same attitude in front of her friends. Sigh! I knew it!

I knew she would.. even before she met him. though he didn't say he like either of us.. but even if he did.. i will still give him up for my sis. she know i would. u can call me silly but she is my only sister and she is also like my best friend. I can't lose her! I don't want anything to come between us.

Come to think... if i was him, i would go for someone much older anyway - that would be my sis... lol... oh well... Love... not meant to be lah...

oh... i 've slacked on my blog.... haven keep track of the events for the past 2 weeks... opps...i try to find time... maybe have to wait till i return SG or perth.... hmm... now have to help my mum with her CNY function dinner stuffs... bye!

2008-01-14T19:17:00.000+09:00

so scared of my leg. my ankle still hurts when i touch the hollow area. I think i injured my nerves. oh no... i now wear the ankle support all day. my knee seems ok ... i not sure. cos when i touch the side.. its pain but i touch the side of my other knee.. the degree of pain is like the same.. i not sure is i injured both knees or the left knee is ok...

haiz. i shld have read my horoscope on the saturday morning. then this wun happen.

its been only like 2 days and i already miss him.. Oi! snap out of it... its not meant to be lor... i know deep down nothing will happen between us lah... oh well.. life goes on after i return to perth... hehe

oh my poor legs... pls recover... i need u to tour leh... now have to go do excerise on the legs... that is do cycling... haha...

2008-01-13T01:28:00.000+09:00

I should post the holidays trip i've been since i went back to Sg and france but haven complete yet as i haven upload the pictures yet but will post soon.. and more to come hehe!

today i will post something abt today. Today he went back to SG. for 2 weeks to get the ingredients for the CNY dinner. its just 2 weeks only so will be ok. YTD he came over as my mum made him soup as he was still sick. then he was jealous my parents dote me and my sis as both of his parents has passed away. then my mum say she already treat him like son. MY GOD! that mean i only can call him BROTHER! wahaha! ok lor! nice having a brother too! hehe!

then b4 he left how nice of him still ask if i want anything from SG. aiyo i know i think toooo..... much lah... i know i know. he only really treat me like xiao mei mei lah... haha... better than nothing lah...

worst is yet to come. today i nearly got knocked over by my dad's car. i did get knocked over but just a little bit. twisted my left knee and my right ankle. it all happen so fast. i only remember talking to my mum then i got hit by my dad. left leg got twisted then right leg nearly went under the wheel.

i still able to walk but a bit aching. nearly gave my dad a heart attack. he never expect me to come out of the road and i never expect him to move. (we were in a carpark) both of us was at fault. my mum was so mad at my dad. she keep saying if he haven stopped in time, i will be under the car! but i'm ok.

came home, rub some chinese medicine and wear knee guard and ankle guard. call my sis she asked me to call a doctor if needed as i had travel insurance. they will cover all expenses. i think i'm really ok now. but i dun know what will happen if we go tour next week. 8 days tour 5 countries. hmm... i hope i will be ok. but it was the scariest thing that happen in my life ever. same goes for my dad. he keep saying this is his first time hitting a person and worst the person is his daughter. i keeping telling him i'm fine. i hope i am i think i am...then my mum say it is a bad year for all 3 of us as she read the chinese horoscope book! pengz! she ask me to be careful when i go back. haiz...ok lah.. i go rest my 2 fat legs.. wahaha!!!

Opps i did it again!

2008-01-09T02:30:00.000+09:00

Again, i have fallen for someone i should not have. He is cute, sweet and funny. But i know its impossible. 1: he is 15 yrs older than me; 2: he is my dad's collegue (dun worry he is single); 3: its just impossible.
read my horoscope, it says impossible too. I have to think about a lot of issues. well i think is true. never been in a relationship before no idea what will happen in any situations. like i say i always let my emotions get the better of me. suddenly i feel i'm being very desperate. haha! i do enjoy my single life. do what i want and etc. but yet part of me do feel lonely. maybe i'm all alone in perth. i dun know. haha!

i think when i return to perth, i will forget abt him bah.. haha.. cos i will be so stress with my studies... keke...

With Dora at Fremantle - Fri, 7th of Dec

2007-12-08T23:22:00.000+09:00

Today, Dora and i went Fremantle to get some sweets and noughts. I got mingfen sweets and Dora got her relatives and friends lots of noughts and souviners. I also got the girls in my A4 class something hope they like it.. but didn't get for ah nie cos i think she in AUS so shld be no need i guess.. the most i give her something else.. hehe... then we went to have our lunch. We ordered seafood platter for 2. Its not as big as i thought as i went to a restuarent that serves much bigger at a lesser price. The fish and chip was alright. Can't really tell the difference. No idea why ppl say its the best there?! LOL.

The Seafood Platter

A picture of me and Dora

Woo.. i'm so fat! OMG! then we went to take some pictures at a park in Fremantle. Still waiting for Dora to send it to me.. hehe... She is returning to Brunei soon.. going to miss her. :( Such a good friend. Can't wait to go back SG to see my sis and go France to see my parents. Miss them so much.

Results out at wed 00:00. tue 12mn... so scared. i hope i will pass all. bought so many clothes for myself. OMG! spend so much.. now i can't spend anymore... i'm broke! Yes ! No money already! go back only can eat cheap cheap food. Budget... must lose weight too. LOL...

Bought a boots for my jie jie as her Xmas gift cum bday gift cos it so expensive!!! but i love her. bought daddy and mummy a christmas present as well. can say its also their belated mother's day, father's day and their bdays' present. hehe! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! i know they love me too. my luggage so packed.. headache. overload already! got to take some winter clothes out. dun want to get charged at the airport. tired.... hehe.. 2mr going harbour town to change my sis boots size... sleepy! hehe... can't wait to go back!

Additional photos:

sad news

2007-12-02T16:31:00.000+09:00

my mum told me last nite my dad is sick. The sickness is smoking related. i'm quite upset. having such a mix feelings rite now. Since young, i know this day will come but part of me hopes it doesn't come at all. But what hurts me more, he still wants to smoke. still wants me and my sis to buy cigettres. I was so upset. He know smoking will do him no good now.. he still wants.. dun he want see me go down the aisle if i ever get to do it?!

It made me think twice. if i ever fail and/or unable to continue studying, i maybe will go back SG to work so he could retire. I care about how ppl look and think of me in the way that i spent so many years in Aus but unable to finish my degree but, i rather come out work and let my dad retire, spend living stress-free.

Now i have a confuse mind, dun know what to do. I really want him to enjoy rest of his life work free but i'm currently unable too. My dad should change his life style now. when i go over, i will make him walk with me on weekends. I love him but hate his sturboness. :(

2007-11-25T12:20:00.000+09:00

Headache. planning a gathering is really tired. i'm bored too... nothing to do.. nothing to watch... i want watch some dvds or drama.. sobz!!! haiz....just so damn bored. so fat now.. so hot outside... haiz!!!....i dun know what to do.. BORED!

Simply Can't Stand Her Man!

2007-11-09T13:07:00.000+09:00

i just dun understand how she thinks. the bin is already very full on wed nite. she stuff it with more of her pile that night. i refuse to throw it away that night. she shld know how to throw away. she shld learn. we are her housemate not her maid. but no of cos she didn't....

ytd i came home after studying in uni. she went home to mandurah... she sort of cleaned her room but she didn't put away her stuffs in the living room.. she didn't even wash the dishes she used like 2 weeks ago. kylie and i refuse to wash, or clean for her. Y shld we pick up after her?!
i was more pissed off by the bin. the fact that it was already very full on wed nite, yet she kept on throwing more of her junks in the bin. its obvious its already full yet she still can throw more and more stuffs plus.. no space throw on the kitchen table.

WTF!!! she has a brain but y she didn't use it?! its not difficult for her to tie up the bag and throw it out. its not that hard. i absolutely have no idea how she thinks. her brain izn't that small. u dun even have to use much brain cells to think. MY GOD!... my mum asked to me to look for another place but its not that easy. you have to move house which means i have to tear down my computer table and my desktop.. etc... very troublesome.... anyway i have another yr left.... i can bear with it... the most i throw and throw the rubbish bag.. fine... but i will never do her dishes for her... i just thinks she needs to learn to wash her own dishes, throw the rubbish and do the house chores....

I told kylie, if the stuffs are still there after exam... i'm going to throw them away... but she told me she is the daugther of Rhonda so we can't say her. True! well... i think after exam.. i will throw all her stuff from the living room in her room, dun wash her dishes...

Just simply cannot stand her... she is 5 times worst than me!... MY GOD! i'm messy in my room but not in the living room. I know my limit when it comes to messy. Too messy i cannot stand... i will clean... she.. haiz!!! PLS GROW UP!!!!! you are 19 already!!!! HOPELESS!!!!!

Sick Sick Sick

2007-10-29T16:14:00.000+09:00

Sick Sick Sick .. Sick of the weather!!! make me feel sick! headache... ate pandol but not working... headache... dun know what to have for dinner later... they dun wash their dishes.. hate it lor!!! OMG!

exam coming in 2 weeks i so scared now... study study study .. cannot fall sick!!! sobz..hate sick sick sick...

3 more weeks to exam

2007-10-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

just 3 more weeks to exam .. i'm so scared! Why time fly so fast???!!! study study study... OMG... i have disappoint my law corp tutor i think. sigh! so much to do.. lab test next week.. haven practice yet.. die...

This week work extra 2 days cos not enough staffs. hope next week is back to normal. chatted with dad ytd and he planned my holiday. i will be going back S'pore for 2 weeks and rest of my holidays are in france.. cool! can't wait but have to study hard first! jia you jia you! 11+ already.. better study now.. have class at 8 2mr... Zzzz...

scary

2007-10-10T23:57:00.000+08:00

scary.. a china girl was murdered near her home in perth on tuesday morning. she was found half naked. clothes and her bag were found a walking distance away from her. She studying in ECU in Joondalup where i use to stay.

I heard stories like high school girls gets raped in Joondalup. <- my mum told me... scary sia!! now i do dare go out so late... if i do i make sure someone send me home... worried... haven told my mum though...

CPA never reply me on my internship outcome... most likely not selected lah.. sobz... then if not selected.. the question now is where do i go for summer holidays? when do i go? France or SG??? don't know.... My jie jie never reply me... hmmm.... anyway.. study first.. plan later.... exam coming.. 4 more weeks.. plenty to catch up and study.. OMG! I'm so scared! better sleep now.. nitez!

What a scary and unlucky day

2007-10-06T19:38:00.000+08:00

today was a scary day and unlucky day for me. on the way to work, waiting for the bus i got screamed at by a Aussie girls driving pass. i don't know her and i dun know y they like to scream like that. crazy... feels like they are high or something. then went to work.

end of work waiting for bus with my collegue, a car drive pass me while the passenger threw a bottle at me. WHAT THE HELL!!!! my collegue say maybe they trying to aim for the bin.. i look at the bin... the bin was not next to me... my god! its a distance away.. if they aim for bin it wun even hit me lor. My god.. ppl grow up! i was cursing! then i asked the bus security, he say they get cranky when the weather starts to become dry and warm. luckily, the bottle just hit my arm not cut it... no brusie but a bit sore.

then i had to change another bus to get home. so i waited at berrick st. then just b4 the bus arriving, i got screamed at again by another car, this time is a Aussie guy. WTH! sms my sister.. got on the bus and hurried home... scared...

2mr i want go chinese store to get some things.. a bit scared though...sobz

things happen

2007-10-02T20:22:00.000+08:00

just received 2 of my test results. both didn't as well as i expected. i thought i could do better as these units that i had mid term test are those that i repeat. but i have no idea why the results turn out this way. very upset about it.

i didn't really want to apply for internship in SG but they send an email requesting i send in my essay and results. so i did. i know my chances of getting an internship is low but i still try anyway. you never know what will happen if you don't try. so i happen to get an internship, i will delay my trip to france till next yr.

only left 4 more weeks to exam... have to catch up... its very crucial now. ok.. better get back to my books.....

In the emotion - saddness

2007-10-02T20:00:00.000+08:00

after seeing kylie having a wonderful 21st bday and mingfen having hers... it makes me feel sad. i know i didn't have one. i did have a party which my sis asked to plan but it was like feb.. it didn't feel right at the time... it feels like i am doing a bday party for someone else but not me. i feel so alone.. after my sis return to brisbane. i felt so damn alone especially on the actual day itself. oh well i can't wind back the time.. its been 3 yrs.

however, for the past 24 yrs... my bday has been so damn lonely. i think the happiest was ..... i can't remember... how sad... i can't remember which yr is the happiest... i dun have one bday with my family and friends together. part of me feels so sad, the other part is asking me to put my shoes in other ppl... they dun have what i have etc... but but.. isn't my life all about me?

ppl in my life always ask me to think of others, telling me not to selfish... can't i be selfish for once... i only live once as WANSHI.... but who cares... they are too focus on themselves and pulling u in to focus on them... that i dun have the time and the chance to focus on myself. i think the only time i had the chance to focus on myself is when i am all alone in a place like now. all alone in perth.

Sometimes i will ask myself questions like : where do i belong? Will my ppl like my friends remember me? Do they know i exist? What am i going to do next? .....

after writing so much... it always make me very tired.. tired to think abt it... my life is not a good one... no perfect life... no perfect me... going 25 soon... getting old... still no idea who i truly am? its that pathetic? i guess so.

all i can say i envy them.. they had experienced what i don't have and all i can do is envy. life really do sucks at times. No offence to those are reading this.... i just throwing my nonsense out...ignore me

Scared the hell out of me

2007-09-27T17:11:00.000+08:00

On Tuesday, i received a notice stating i owed Australian Government $1,164.30. OMG! I freaked out! I asked my housemate Emma to help me out on how to resolve this. She helped me called the Australian Tax Office (ATO) and asked why i owed them so much. They checked and asked me question like how long i have been here and etc. After some questions, she said there is good news.

Under Tax Purposes, i am considered a resident and it is different from Immigration point of view. She said many ppl also misunderstood the meaning so all i had to do was write a letter to ATO to apologize about the mistake, state that i misunderstood the meaning and request them to amend my tax refund form. With this letter, later i should receive a cheaque of $430 instead. Phew!

Then when i was writing my letter i realise my working visa has expired. i began another panic attack so i print out the form and fill them up. The next day, i went to Uni to seek confirmation that i'm still a student in Uni then rush down to Immigration Office in the City. Waited for half an hour, it was my turn. Went up, they checked my visa and told me i do not have to re-apply for working visa as it auto extend the expiry date to match my current student visa expiry date. Ok! At least i know that's over.

Then i went for lunch and a bit of shopping. Went in to Esprit and look around. Though on sale, its still very expensive. They have very nice bags and clothes. Then in the end i bought myself a new wallet and an umbrella.

My New Esprit umbrella

Stripes umbrella - like the colours purple and pink

My New Esprit Wallet

My pretty wallet

Inside My Wallet

I also bought myself a pair of earnings and a simple braclet. Actually wanted to get Dior earings, necklace and braclet... but didn't.. maybe i get that for my christmas present and my sis bday. hehe! Broke! lol! Haven been working these past few weeks as i have to study for my mid semester exam. Now have to aim to score well in exam so i could go France with my sister. Yuppy! hehe! My dad said i could go over this summer holidays if i pass this semester so i'm trying my best! :)..

wasted 4 days this week. never study.. bad bad! better study now....

Still thinking of both of them

2007-09-13T16:26:00.000+08:00

Lately i had different dreams. it involves them both. seperate dreams of cos. i dun know why i still dream about them. It feels as do i still miss them. i should get over them by now... actually i should be.... i dun know y i still miss them though.. lol... haiz.. what to do.. they dun like me... not their cup of coffee... oh well... better move on with my life.. dun wan to dwell in it like the movie 200 pound girl...

actually really thought about it haiz... my mr right hasn't been found yet... still waiting... better study now

my shoes & my bag

2007-08-23T16:52:00.000+08:00

Recently bought a bag and some new shoes. Below are the pics.

My Cherry Shoe... hehe very cute

My pink shoe... in my size.. so happy last pair though but nice

The back of my new bag

The front of my bag. this bag from Charles & Keith

My second pair of boots.. wanted to get a flat one
but could not find in my size. but this boot is nice. hehe

My first brown boots. my mum bought for me.. hehe

Woo~ my favourite sandals from Charles & Keith in my size too.. hehe

Rainbow

2007-08-21T21:53:00.000+08:00

Saw a full rainbow on sunday.. very pretty but its so big that i can't get the whole rainbow in one picture so no choice i have to seperate them. Here they are from left to right of the rainbow.

this is prove of the site of the second rainbow

2007-08-15T17:17:00.000+08:00

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,

You were meant to be the way you are exactly.

Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.

When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.

And i hope you always stay the same,

Cuz there's nothing about you i would change.

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be.

If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.

Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,

Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

Believe in yourself.

Reach down inside.

The love you find will set you free.

Believe in yourself, you will come alive.

Have faith in what you do.

You'll make it through.

Kylie's Bday at the Pub

2007-08-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

Me and Roselyn

Me and my house mate Emma

My house mate, Emma and Kylie's friend Roseyln.

Oh dear!

2007-08-09T20:22:00.000+08:00

oh dear! 2mr is the last day of week 2! i'm terrible! first 2 weeks i already miss 2 lectures! i know i shouldn't but they really bore me out. they accounting system lecture 2 and finance principle lecture 2. oh man! Jen you cannot like that lah!

2 weeks have almost passed and i truly truly only study chapter 1 of law corp as it was the easiest. oh dear!!! finance principle chapter 2 still ok.. dun like chapter 1 though... theories... accounting system and managerial also theories... die...

in 3 weeks is mid sem test and assignments due dates... i better start doing but i always tell myself 2mr... I'm a bad procrastinator!....pls make it go away!

today went to law corp tut, praying so hard not to be liz.. but it was liz... scared to see her... but i keep telling myself nothing to be afraid... be desperate i need the marks! so i went in... so far ok... but i still get stunned when she ask me questions which i shld know especially i done it before.. but i'm still not... what's wrong with me?! i'm slow i guess...

a friend told me not to think like this... she even ask me to write a gratitude journal for myself but i always say bad things about myself.. i'm used to it... though i hate putting myself down but i just too use to it!

i'm 24, i know things have to change but i'm trying... its very hard to change...sigh!

its 8.40pm... still have so much to do!... blog when i have some time later or other time.

2007-08-05T14:51:00.000+08:00

had the most weird dream ever... dreamt abt him and her. I know it will never happen in real life as i know for the fact they are not close.. they dun even talk to each other... but nothing is impossible... you never know.. they might be friends now or in the future... OMG!

i wun go into details as it will make me sick... more sick actually.. to think abt it already makes me sick! vomit!

One week really flies really quick. Zoom! its already end of first week beginning of second week! OMG! 2mr is the first day of the extra courses... all the best man... okok.. blog other time!

Oh i'm still sick

2007-07-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

after 1 week, i'm still sick... still coughing and blowing my nose... but at least not that much 'tan'. (dun really know the true actually spelling of the english word) i really do wish this sickness will go away!

Uni is starting next mon and yet i haven done any revision yet! Oh no! i have to! i have to do my tutorials and making notes! Jen Jen! hurry! mid-term test is in one month's time then soon will be exams!

I must pass this sem no matter what! Jia you! tired.. eating medicine now..

Reflect on myself

2007-07-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

Just one more week before uni starts.... and I'm still sick.
Keep feeling giddy and tired.

I know i should stop watching TV like Kylie. I should be like her - watch only grey.
I'm tempted to watch more which i know i should not. Its a SIN!

I should be studying. I plan to study chapter 1 of law corp today but i didn't. It all went to my nap and TV. Maybe its because I'm still sick or just maybe I'm using my sickness as an excuse. I know i cannot to fail any next semester. I just can't!

I will have to force myself to study no matter what from tomorrow and do as much tutorial as i can and borrow books to help in my English.
I really do need all the help i can get...

So far only one of my friend is on the same page as me on conditional status but somehow we are in different situations... hmm... i miss my family! I know all will support me all the way but i do know i need to be strong enough to support myself...

Recently i talk to a staff in the communication skills centre and i realise some things. Talking to her was like telling myself certain things. I know i have a hard time communicating with my family especially my mum. Their is a love hate relationship between us. I hate it but i just dun know how to resolve it. I dun wan to say something and regret later... a BIG NO NO!

And i think none of my friends do know the real me. Probably they only know the 'fake' me as i tend to hide behind a fake face. Many thinks I'm strong, independent etc.. some even think I'm rich... which I'm not...I'm really not. My dad work his life out to support me... and i know he say he will support me but i know its really hard money and i do feel bad and upset about it.

I can tell you I'm never strong and independent. I'm just weak... i cry in bed all the time (most of the time due to bad dreams) and i do rely on people a lot! I hate to compare myself with others; hate being a timid person; hate being sensitive; hate lots of things about myself but I'm brought up in this environment.

I remember Angie once said i must love myself in order for others to love me. I been trying to but someone or something will always put me down. How am i going to survive like this? I guess i just have to find a way through help or by myself.

OK. brain dead! so I'll end here for now.. continue whenever i can... believe tomorrow will be a better day!

2007-07-09T00:40:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since i update my blog. My results will be out on wed 12am.. i'm so scared and nervous about the outcome. Maybe becos of that, i had nightmares!

I dreamt of someone close to me tried to kill my sister. Shoot her in the head and threw her off the roof...but she manage to escape her death... i nearly cried and screamed!!.. woke up telling myself it will never happen... went back to sleep and had another bad dream... dreamt someone stole my bag.... manage to find the thief by calling my cell and faking a employment coy and nearly got exposed by the crook and just in time my alarm rang and woke me up.

then i sms my sis.... worried about her safety... asking her to be careful.... i was so scared!! i still am...

then emma's mum coming so i start clean the kitchen. emma help me wash the dishes and cups but she didn't do her part for sweeping & moping the floor. she only cleaned her room.. damn... dun tell me i have to do it?! i did that chore last week. ( we rotate the chores each week) sickening...

sometimes she is really lazy. she can continue stuff the rubbish bin till the lid cannot be closed. kylie sometimes does the same! Don't they know what is called "throwing the bag when its full??!!!" Apparently they don't. I have to do that all the time. I am so pissed off about it! Everytime i come home, they bin will be there stuffed with rubbish. ARGH!!!

I have to live with it for another year. I'm obligated to do it as i'm staying under other ppl's house. She dun cos her mum owns the place... She is what i call " A little princess" as she is only 18 going 19. She is still the 'baby' in the house. Jen deal with it....

ok. all i have to say for now...tired.. time for bed!

What an unlucky day!

2007-05-26T23:01:00.000+08:00

i don't know what is going on today?! cut myself while making hot chocolate... cut myself again somewhere... then cashier short by $85.30.. that's a lot then smart rider spoil dun know y too.. in the morning working fine.. now spoil.. WTH!! then nvm... come home.. my umbrella from jie jie spoil... sobz... today is not my day.... :(

2007-05-20T11:28:00.000+08:00

got my pay back... if not i kill them.... haha... 2more weeks to exams... shit!!! i haven start any revision yet.. i'm dead... read dead meat.... damn.... sleep like pig today.. slept for 11hrs.. ouch.. whole body aching.... sleep too much... but nice n warm in bed... so cold.... freezing!!! okok.. better do my assignment or else no tv for me at night.... byebye...

2007-05-18T01:02:00.000+08:00

not sure which is better hehe....

2007-05-10T23:06:00.000+08:00

My new piggy pj for winter.. so cute.. hehe

pissed of my ppl today!

2007-05-03T18:19:00.000+08:00

today what is going on?! pissed off by ppl...angry my tutor collect last week work.. i didn;t attend cos i need to study and i didn't do.. but of cos.. no such excuse.. nvm.. lose 5 marks.. sad...

then went back... pissed off by a asian student and the staff... i waited for 15 mins.. her number is after mine..cos i took the ticket before her ... she cut in front of me approach the staff who was packing up forms.. just becos she came yesterday doesn't mean she can be served first lor...

the staff actually served her.. i was so angry... what the hell... i walked off and went to class....totally pissed off.... so angry now...need to de-stress.. clean house... angry!

2007-04-14T18:46:00.000+08:00

Me And my friends on my birthday lunch! Thanks for spending that day with me guys!

Irritated & pissed off

2007-04-14T18:23:00.000+08:00

Today, my mood was ok till one of of collegues started to piss me off.. She became very bossy like she is the boss... attitude problem. she was even rude to 2 of our customers today! Oh my goodness! She even call them crazy! She should not have used that attitude towards the customers yet she don't think she has done anything wrong! She is lucky that the MEL was there.

Then i was going to get the ice coffee from one of fridge where she stood at... i asked her to excuse me.. she shouted there is milk at the other fridge you don't have to come here and take you don't have to come here and take!

At that point, i really wanted to scream back at her but i didn't i just said i dun need milk i need ice coffee. my temper nearly blow... instead of me pissing off.. she pissed off at me.. started to slam the fridge door so hard... bloody ldoit!

Then at 3pm i asked her sweep the floor she like not happy. Show me her angry face. Then normally after you sweep you will scrub the floor and mop the floor... she just stop at sweeping... walk around... i'm making coffee and she walk around cleaning not glass doors but our sign board... making herself busy... i give up.. 15mins time i'm leaving so i told her get me water so i do the scrubing and mopping... she happily go do that. my goodness... when she get the water.. she stop me from making coffee by saying " i do the coffee u go do the floor" commanding me around man.. who she think she is.

my boss??!!! oh pls.. she also just a part-time staff lor! R all china ppl so attitude problem and damn lazy??!! from my past experience most of them are like this except for 'lao pa' - shu feng.
i didn't want to ruin my day & mood so i said' ok fine' luckily another collegue help me mop while i scrub. so after i scrub i went off.

screw her! she is too proud of herself! she attitude with me fine... don't show it to customer.. she is working for other ppl lor... giving them bad impression! dun know her lah... now me and terena hate her. another staff also too much. no watch is no excuse for taking a long long very long break. she still have such a thing call handphone lor. she came in early today. she offically start at 9.30am... i dun know.. i needed help so i ask if anyone can come and help and serve.. she complain haven 9.30 yet... i haven start work yet... keep repeating.. i said ok.. sorry... then she went away.. came back at u guess.... 10am... wat's the diff in coming late and come early yet go away?! that's fine... she go for break... we took 30 mins as it is standard she take an hour!

i and terena was saying its not fair! no watch is no damn excuse! but other than that she is still better that china girl... ldiot! go eat dinner... angry!

2007-04-13T18:53:00.000+08:00

trying to fix up this blog... hehe.. better have dinner and get back to my assignment.. done badly on my test.. so sad!

A new start - its about time

2007-04-13T09:05:00.000+08:00

This is my new blog... closing the old one... think its about time to start fresh!