Don't you ever wish you were someone else,

You were meant to be the way you are exactly.

Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.

When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.

And i hope you always stay the same,

Cuz there's nothing about you i would change.

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be.

If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.

Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,

Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

Believe in yourself.

Reach down inside.

The love you find will set you free.

Believe in yourself, you will come alive.

Have faith in what you do.

You'll make it through.

Kylie's Bday at the Pub

Me and Roselyn

Me and my house mate Emma

My house mate, Emma and Kylie's friend Roseyln.

Oh dear!

oh dear! 2mr is the last day of week 2! i'm terrible! first 2 weeks i already miss 2 lectures! i know i shouldn't but they really bore me out. they accounting system lecture 2 and finance principle lecture 2. oh man! Jen you cannot like that lah!

2 weeks have almost passed and i truly truly only study chapter 1 of law corp as it was the easiest. oh dear!!! finance principle chapter 2 still ok.. dun like chapter 1 though... theories... accounting system and managerial also theories... die...

in 3 weeks is mid sem test and assignments due dates... i better start doing but i always tell myself 2mr... I'm a bad procrastinator!....pls make it go away!

today went to law corp tut, praying so hard not to be liz.. but it was liz... scared to see her... but i keep telling myself nothing to be afraid... be desperate i need the marks! so i went in... so far ok... but i still get stunned when she ask me questions which i shld know especially i done it before.. but i'm still not... what's wrong with me?! i'm slow i guess...

a friend told me not to think like this... she even ask me to write a gratitude journal for myself but i always say bad things about myself.. i'm used to it... though i hate putting myself down but i just too use to it!

i'm 24, i know things have to change but i'm trying... its very hard to change...sigh!

its 8.40pm... still have so much to do!... blog when i have some time later or other time.

had the most weird dream ever... dreamt abt him and her. I know it will never happen in real life as i know for the fact they are not close.. they dun even talk to each other... but nothing is impossible... you never know.. they might be friends now or in the future... OMG!

i wun go into details as it will make me sick... more sick actually.. to think abt it already makes me sick! vomit!

One week really flies really quick. Zoom! its already end of first week beginning of second week! OMG! 2mr is the first day of the extra courses... all the best man... okok.. blog other time!

Oh i'm still sick

after 1 week, i'm still sick... still coughing and blowing my nose... but at least not that much 'tan'. (dun really know the true actually spelling of the english word) i really do wish this sickness will go away!

Uni is starting next mon and yet i haven done any revision yet! Oh no! i have to! i have to do my tutorials and making notes! Jen Jen! hurry! mid-term test is in one month's time then soon will be exams!

I must pass this sem no matter what! Jia you! tired.. eating medicine now..

Reflect on myself

Just one more week before uni starts.... and I'm still sick.
Keep feeling giddy and tired.

I know i should stop watching TV like Kylie. I should be like her - watch only grey.
I'm tempted to watch more which i know i should not. Its a SIN!

I should be studying. I plan to study chapter 1 of law corp today but i didn't. It all went to my nap and TV. Maybe its because I'm still sick or just maybe I'm using my sickness as an excuse. I know i cannot to fail any next semester. I just can't!

I will have to force myself to study no matter what from tomorrow and do as much tutorial as i can and borrow books to help in my English.
I really do need all the help i can get...

So far only one of my friend is on the same page as me on conditional status but somehow we are in different situations... hmm... i miss my family! I know all will support me all the way but i do know i need to be strong enough to support myself...

Recently i talk to a staff in the communication skills centre and i realise some things. Talking to her was like telling myself certain things. I know i have a hard time communicating with my family especially my mum. Their is a love hate relationship between us. I hate it but i just dun know how to resolve it. I dun wan to say something and regret later... a BIG NO NO!

And i think none of my friends do know the real me. Probably they only know the 'fake' me as i tend to hide behind a fake face. Many thinks I'm strong, independent etc.. some even think I'm rich... which I'm not...I'm really not. My dad work his life out to support me... and i know he say he will support me but i know its really hard money and i do feel bad and upset about it.

I can tell you I'm never strong and independent. I'm just weak... i cry in bed all the time (most of the time due to bad dreams) and i do rely on people a lot! I hate to compare myself with others; hate being a timid person; hate being sensitive; hate lots of things about myself but I'm brought up in this environment.

I remember Angie once said i must love myself in order for others to love me. I been trying to but someone or something will always put me down. How am i going to survive like this? I guess i just have to find a way through help or by myself.

OK. brain dead! so I'll end here for now.. continue whenever i can... believe tomorrow will be a better day!

Its been a while since i update my blog. My results will be out on wed 12am.. i'm so scared and nervous about the outcome. Maybe becos of that, i had nightmares!

I dreamt of someone close to me tried to kill my sister. Shoot her in the head and threw her off the roof...but she manage to escape her death... i nearly cried and screamed!!.. woke up telling myself it will never happen... went back to sleep and had another bad dream... dreamt someone stole my bag.... manage to find the thief by calling my cell and faking a employment coy and nearly got exposed by the crook and just in time my alarm rang and woke me up.

then i sms my sis.... worried about her safety... asking her to be careful.... i was so scared!! i still am...

then emma's mum coming so i start clean the kitchen. emma help me wash the dishes and cups but she didn't do her part for sweeping & moping the floor. she only cleaned her room.. damn... dun tell me i have to do it?! i did that chore last week. ( we rotate the chores each week) sickening...

sometimes she is really lazy. she can continue stuff the rubbish bin till the lid cannot be closed. kylie sometimes does the same! Don't they know what is called "throwing the bag when its full??!!!" Apparently they don't. I have to do that all the time. I am so pissed off about it! Everytime i come home, they bin will be there stuffed with rubbish. ARGH!!!

I have to live with it for another year. I'm obligated to do it as i'm staying under other ppl's house. She dun cos her mum owns the place... She is what i call " A little princess" as she is only 18 going 19. She is still the 'baby' in the house. Jen deal with it....

ok. all i have to say for now...tired.. time for bed!