Now on holidays

Finish my exams on monday, went home with kylie and took a nap. Watch tv and went bed early then on tuesday, rang the driving center to change test dates but no luck then went driving then went city to do my eye brows, walked around, had lunch - jap food then went shopping. Spent too much on clothes.. oh no! I cannot spent anymore.. as i'm broke and i won't be able to bring all my clothes home. Sigh!

then i wanted to trim my hair but didn't trust the hair salons and haven decided if i want to curl my hair yet. Afraid it won't turn out to be nice on my face. Sigh! Some ppl do look good with curls but some don't. I'm afraid i'm one of the ppl who won't look good in them.

worked since wednesday till today, so tired. have to work on sunday morning but going drinking with kylie and her friends at 10pm till 3+am.. i will be so tired by sunday but luckily i have monday off so i can sleep in.

need to wake up early tomorrow to wash my clothes... lots of clothes i need to wash and dry them... so tired.

want to start reading bus cap but so tired and no mood.. then want prepare for IELTS also no mood.. will do them tomorrow i think. tired tired tired... hope my com wun crush again... tired of restoring it... haiz... yet cannot back a new version. data error.. sigh!

Missing him again... wonder how is he and of cos his dog JD. hehe... I think he is either in S'pore back to his new posting for the next 6 months or still in France and leaves tomorrow.

I'm just waiting someone to win my heart so i could forget him completely. where are you????

One more to go - last paper for this sem. Hope i do ok in it and for my other papers, fingers cross!

Mum told me Daniel is going back Sg for 6 mths then after return France again but doesn't mean anything. Nothing will ever happen as he is still a million years away from me.. (See.. i'm starting to imagine things again!)

I keep telling myself I need to face reality, nothing will happen but my mind likes to go the opposite way. Maybe i should stop saying that then maybe he will slowly fade away from my mind and memory.

How i wish, the only time that will happen is when u not breathing anymore. When will find my the other half? Saw grey's episode last week, story about a woman who had no boyfriend all her life, now in her 40 to 50's found a soul mate on a curise but no one believed her as they believe it was just an illusion caused by her brain tumor not even her own sister. Everyone tries to convince her its not real, making her lose her will to live. I don't want that! I don't to be only in my 40 or 50 then find my first love and everyone thinks its impossible and no one believes you as all my life i'm a loner.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A LONER!!!! why no one likes me? is it because i'm fat, ugly or basically hairy??!! I know i have a lot of my dad's genes in me that is causing me to be very hairy but i'm not a bad person but why? Maybe i just haven really love the way i look and feel yet. I can say its a bit hard with what i have but i'm trying, i'm really am!

Oh man! i think its hard to love me no wonder ppl dun love me. Sigh! oh well! got to love myself... will try! got to slp now.. 2am need to study tmr!

I'm not ready

I'm not ready, not ready for anything!! I'm not ready for the main road yet. I thought i was but i panic when we went on highway with so many cars so near me. My instructor a little dissapointed so was I. So many of my friends learning driving, I bet they are way better than me. Sigh! Why am such a scary cat or shall i say a scary pig?! But i have to face it cos my driving test is coming. I will try again next week.

I'm not ready for the exams. Its 2 days away.. i'm scared but i have to be prepared and pass them all. No more delays. No more repeats. Simply can't afford to repeat.

i'm not ready to go out to the world to work yet cos lack of experience and afraid i will do bad in the first job or unable to find one.

I know i'm a worry freak and stress freak but that's me. Me and my study plans.. never work... slack by so much... oh gosh..

miss my family. Miss him of cos.. A BIG BIG NONO! very hard to process the words impossible between us.. LOL.. but have to face the reality. He is such a good catch, yet he remains - sure has his reasons. So many good looking gals with better qualifications and other matching personailities with him - even if he decides to look for 'the one', i won't stand a chance anyway so have to move on and move on quick.

Don't want Joe's words to come true - i only get my first true love when i'm in my 30's. NO!NO!NO! Sometimes i wonder what i lack when all my friends are getting so many ex-boyfriends or they are in a strong relationship. Am i that bad that no one likes me as who i am?!

Its very depressing! Sigh! no time left.. have to get back to my studies! Love angel will you come soon for me????

oh my, haven blog for so long! well as usual busy with uni. exams in 2 weeks. Not much time left! Sigh! Having lab test this friday worth 30%, have to pass and pass it well! then have one taxation quiz next week worth 10% then another mini test for finance worth 5%. need that! simply a few % can make a difference between passing and failing. I learnt that the hard way! Don't want to go through that again. I don't want to put my family through that again!

Driving so far... hmm... i don't know. Instructor says i'm good but i don't feel that way! I'm not confident. Tomorrow is my 2nd last lesson and i have to ring for a test appointment after that. Oh shits! Sigh!

Now i'm worried on driving and studies but of cause studies come first. I'm just not confident in 3 units. Hmm... Have to work very hard!

Have been thinking about him lately, wonder he doing in France. I know i cannot let my mind run wild but the brain not listening. LOL! I do miss him though! My mum always talk about him. Sigh! Better drown myself in my books... lock him up somewhere in the mind for the next 3 -4 weeks. LOL... blog again when i can.. tata!

Bought a new pair of boots last week. it was nice, comfy and i found my size plus.. its flat... love flat boots.. love heels but i'm never good in them... hehe... of cos i wish to wear nice boots with heels.. but i'm just not a heels person.. sigh...

anyway.. broke.. till i get a proper job, i will get heels for work..LOL.

week break over so that means exam is coming.. oh no.. jia you jen... have to pass...

driving lessons so far is ok.. but sturbon me.. still tend to drive too slow or too fast, turnings not so good. sobz... sigh... jia you! you can do this.

i still miss him but not that much anymore.. i think is a good thing.. no point lingering my feelings on him cos like i say before and my friends all think so.. nothing will happen... too many things to take into considerations.. so move on jen. maybe the right one is yet to come ... will it come in the next 5 years? before i turn 30? i do hope so.. but the love god might play a joke with me by never matching me with anyone.. LOL could i be lonely for my entire life?

i still remember what angie said to me abt 3-4 yrs ago..." i need to love myself first before someone else can love me" but how do you actually do that? i've been trying my best to love myself as much as i can... try to lose weight..etc... sigh...man, love and life... its just something hard to predict.... oh well..... am 25 now.... old.. like joe say... will i only get my first love at 28 and end happy or in tears? i dun know..

oi! love god, i know i not pretty and slim.. not perfect but not cruel or evil type.. why no one like me leh? sigh! .. back to my studies... sigh.. now must grad first... its the most important thing in life right now. dun wish to disappoint my family again!

my new handphone pouch

thinking of him again

i was trying my best not to think of him by going gym, taking my driving lesson, drown myself in my studies and work. basically doing anything other than thinking of him.

but things just pop in once in a while just like today.. wasn't thinking of him at all.. but so happen this guy who looks like him board the bus. sitting near me.. OMG! how to not to think of him??!!! Dun worry that is not him on the bus.. as i know he is in france now... ai yo! so look alike... my god.. i keep trying my best to look away and not thinking about him.. try to think something else like my poor leg - twisted it ytd. sobz so n gym for this week.

things like this always happen.. i mean abt him.. in uni.. at bus stop waiting for the bus.. my god.. saw a student that looks like him... so many ppl look like him.. am i seeing things??!! my god...

is my inner mind so desperate for a boyfriend that i am starting to imagine things? though at the age 25 still no boyfriend not like most of my friends who have plenty of it.. sometimes i do envy them... hmm.. maybe becos i am fat that's why no bf lah... working very hard to lose weight.. trying my best.. sobz... oh well back to my taxation.. got to finish so i can do audit.. its more scary!