Finally... no more exams!!!!

But i'm so sick now... down with a flu and fever.

feel horrible....

I finally say ' i miss you' to Nigel. Oh god... am i moving too fast? He sounds quite serious in what he says... hmm... i dun know.. maybe like this song... its all a joke... faith is playing me. Or maybe i'm desperate to think it is going to work out... i dun know...

getting some rest now... tired

just finish one exam. The only one i was super stressed about. I do hope i pass, my friend think i will pass, but i do not feel the confident on what i wrote. I know some calculation i am wrong... i dun know.

Now my next paper is friday. not so stress.. but want to aim high... striving for it. :) then next tuesday is last one.. then i'm free.....

have an marketing job interview after exam... dun remember even applying for it. Will not stress, cos its not like i'm going to get it. But i need get accounting job if i want get PR. hmm...

My friend suggest i study CPA program to help me find job. My mum ask me to see if do Master better... Master is better to get PR but when you are master ppl in the world request more from you. Now as an undergrad already request you have experience.... so stressful. I know my parents want me get job here as whole world is on recession. So in singapore will be worst.. and pay low. hmmm.... I need find job first.. ppl must hire me.. My god.. not easy find...

i will try here first, if unsucessful then i will return to Singapore. Not getting younger, both CPA and master during is roughly the same but CPA is cheaper in fees as only 6 units. Master is 12 units, 4 each sem... haiz!!!

Can't worry now, have to focus on exam first.

A little update on Nigel, hmm... he send me a mtv video.. its a chinese song, title 'i want to say', then chorus is i want to say i cannot live without you...etc. I try not to interpret too much. I just say nice song.. who is the singer etc... act as blur as possible.

he still constant say he miss me and send the monkey kiss icon.. i just response like, how sweet or just a smile icon. I scared to put too much feel to this 'online relationship'. Its just me, i cannot get pass the fact that i haven met him in person and know him as a person, i cannot say things like i miss him now...it just feels not right.

i want say it only when i mean it. i'm not being silly am i? Then today, i heard a song, its actually saying how i feel now towards him. chorus is like i think i'm starting to like you but i just met you, i guess i'm starting to like you but are you for real???.... you listen on my blog if you understand chinese... hehe

hmm.... dreaming to much.. i know.... back to studies now.. will keep you updated...

Finding love at the wrong place?

Meet someone online recently. He is nice. He is 24 in singapore. working as a chef and part-time musician. Sounds very interesting yet intimidating. He is a year younger yet he sounds he has achieved so much in life. and me being a year older is only just finishing a degree.

we chatted for quite some time but for most of the time he is away as he is sick with an eye infection. when we chat, he sometimes will say things i miss you... i didn't reply as i think is still too early to say that to someone who you just met online and haven met. But i do miss him when he never online.

am i being a hypocrite? saying one thing yet feeling another. am i really falling for him?

i hardly doubt it cos i never met him, i hardly know him. i think is mentally i am desperate to find love. then i tend to find it at a wrong place. so see how it goes.. you never know what will happen... hmm.... back to my assignment....

So so sad

So so sad! i didn't get the PR points i want again. reading short of 0.5 again! damn it! i can stay on 15 points but total overall PR i need 120. and i'm short of 10. if i get 25, i have enough points to get PR.

Dec will be my last try to get PR. if i still dun get it, then it is return back to S'pore.

Driving test is in 2 weeks time... i hope i can make it... Jen you can do it!...

School starting next week. haven done any of the prereading yet.. or no!. I'm last semester. i need to work hard for it... Jia you!

ok study time! no time left.. have to work tmr so only left today to do some reading...

Now on holidays

Finish my exams on monday, went home with kylie and took a nap. Watch tv and went bed early then on tuesday, rang the driving center to change test dates but no luck then went driving then went city to do my eye brows, walked around, had lunch - jap food then went shopping. Spent too much on clothes.. oh no! I cannot spent anymore.. as i'm broke and i won't be able to bring all my clothes home. Sigh!

then i wanted to trim my hair but didn't trust the hair salons and haven decided if i want to curl my hair yet. Afraid it won't turn out to be nice on my face. Sigh! Some ppl do look good with curls but some don't. I'm afraid i'm one of the ppl who won't look good in them.

worked since wednesday till today, so tired. have to work on sunday morning but going drinking with kylie and her friends at 10pm till 3+am.. i will be so tired by sunday but luckily i have monday off so i can sleep in.

need to wake up early tomorrow to wash my clothes... lots of clothes i need to wash and dry them... so tired.

want to start reading bus cap but so tired and no mood.. then want prepare for IELTS also no mood.. will do them tomorrow i think. tired tired tired... hope my com wun crush again... tired of restoring it... haiz... yet cannot back a new version. data error.. sigh!

Missing him again... wonder how is he and of cos his dog JD. hehe... I think he is either in S'pore back to his new posting for the next 6 months or still in France and leaves tomorrow.

I'm just waiting someone to win my heart so i could forget him completely. where are you????

One more to go - last paper for this sem. Hope i do ok in it and for my other papers, fingers cross!

Mum told me Daniel is going back Sg for 6 mths then after return France again but doesn't mean anything. Nothing will ever happen as he is still a million years away from me.. (See.. i'm starting to imagine things again!)

I keep telling myself I need to face reality, nothing will happen but my mind likes to go the opposite way. Maybe i should stop saying that then maybe he will slowly fade away from my mind and memory.

How i wish, the only time that will happen is when u not breathing anymore. When will find my the other half? Saw grey's episode last week, story about a woman who had no boyfriend all her life, now in her 40 to 50's found a soul mate on a curise but no one believed her as they believe it was just an illusion caused by her brain tumor not even her own sister. Everyone tries to convince her its not real, making her lose her will to live. I don't want that! I don't to be only in my 40 or 50 then find my first love and everyone thinks its impossible and no one believes you as all my life i'm a loner.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A LONER!!!! why no one likes me? is it because i'm fat, ugly or basically hairy??!! I know i have a lot of my dad's genes in me that is causing me to be very hairy but i'm not a bad person but why? Maybe i just haven really love the way i look and feel yet. I can say its a bit hard with what i have but i'm trying, i'm really am!

Oh man! i think its hard to love me no wonder ppl dun love me. Sigh! oh well! got to love myself... will try! got to slp now.. 2am need to study tmr!

I'm not ready

I'm not ready, not ready for anything!! I'm not ready for the main road yet. I thought i was but i panic when we went on highway with so many cars so near me. My instructor a little dissapointed so was I. So many of my friends learning driving, I bet they are way better than me. Sigh! Why am such a scary cat or shall i say a scary pig?! But i have to face it cos my driving test is coming. I will try again next week.

I'm not ready for the exams. Its 2 days away.. i'm scared but i have to be prepared and pass them all. No more delays. No more repeats. Simply can't afford to repeat.

i'm not ready to go out to the world to work yet cos lack of experience and afraid i will do bad in the first job or unable to find one.

I know i'm a worry freak and stress freak but that's me. Me and my study plans.. never work... slack by so much... oh gosh..

miss my family. Miss him of cos.. A BIG BIG NONO! very hard to process the words impossible between us.. LOL.. but have to face the reality. He is such a good catch, yet he remains - sure has his reasons. So many good looking gals with better qualifications and other matching personailities with him - even if he decides to look for 'the one', i won't stand a chance anyway so have to move on and move on quick.

Don't want Joe's words to come true - i only get my first true love when i'm in my 30's. NO!NO!NO! Sometimes i wonder what i lack when all my friends are getting so many ex-boyfriends or they are in a strong relationship. Am i that bad that no one likes me as who i am?!

Its very depressing! Sigh! no time left.. have to get back to my studies! Love angel will you come soon for me????