Oh i'm still sick

after 1 week, i'm still sick... still coughing and blowing my nose... but at least not that much 'tan'. (dun really know the true actually spelling of the english word) i really do wish this sickness will go away!

Uni is starting next mon and yet i haven done any revision yet! Oh no! i have to! i have to do my tutorials and making notes! Jen Jen! hurry! mid-term test is in one month's time then soon will be exams!

I must pass this sem no matter what! Jia you! tired.. eating medicine now..

Reflect on myself

Just one more week before uni starts.... and I'm still sick.
Keep feeling giddy and tired.

I know i should stop watching TV like Kylie. I should be like her - watch only grey.
I'm tempted to watch more which i know i should not. Its a SIN!

I should be studying. I plan to study chapter 1 of law corp today but i didn't. It all went to my nap and TV. Maybe its because I'm still sick or just maybe I'm using my sickness as an excuse. I know i cannot to fail any next semester. I just can't!

I will have to force myself to study no matter what from tomorrow and do as much tutorial as i can and borrow books to help in my English.
I really do need all the help i can get...

So far only one of my friend is on the same page as me on conditional status but somehow we are in different situations... hmm... i miss my family! I know all will support me all the way but i do know i need to be strong enough to support myself...

Recently i talk to a staff in the communication skills centre and i realise some things. Talking to her was like telling myself certain things. I know i have a hard time communicating with my family especially my mum. Their is a love hate relationship between us. I hate it but i just dun know how to resolve it. I dun wan to say something and regret later... a BIG NO NO!

And i think none of my friends do know the real me. Probably they only know the 'fake' me as i tend to hide behind a fake face. Many thinks I'm strong, independent etc.. some even think I'm rich... which I'm not...I'm really not. My dad work his life out to support me... and i know he say he will support me but i know its really hard money and i do feel bad and upset about it.

I can tell you I'm never strong and independent. I'm just weak... i cry in bed all the time (most of the time due to bad dreams) and i do rely on people a lot! I hate to compare myself with others; hate being a timid person; hate being sensitive; hate lots of things about myself but I'm brought up in this environment.

I remember Angie once said i must love myself in order for others to love me. I been trying to but someone or something will always put me down. How am i going to survive like this? I guess i just have to find a way through help or by myself.

OK. brain dead! so I'll end here for now.. continue whenever i can... believe tomorrow will be a better day!

Its been a while since i update my blog. My results will be out on wed 12am.. i'm so scared and nervous about the outcome. Maybe becos of that, i had nightmares!

I dreamt of someone close to me tried to kill my sister. Shoot her in the head and threw her off the roof...but she manage to escape her death... i nearly cried and screamed!!.. woke up telling myself it will never happen... went back to sleep and had another bad dream... dreamt someone stole my bag.... manage to find the thief by calling my cell and faking a employment coy and nearly got exposed by the crook and just in time my alarm rang and woke me up.

then i sms my sis.... worried about her safety... asking her to be careful.... i was so scared!! i still am...

then emma's mum coming so i start clean the kitchen. emma help me wash the dishes and cups but she didn't do her part for sweeping & moping the floor. she only cleaned her room.. damn... dun tell me i have to do it?! i did that chore last week. ( we rotate the chores each week) sickening...

sometimes she is really lazy. she can continue stuff the rubbish bin till the lid cannot be closed. kylie sometimes does the same! Don't they know what is called "throwing the bag when its full??!!!" Apparently they don't. I have to do that all the time. I am so pissed off about it! Everytime i come home, they bin will be there stuffed with rubbish. ARGH!!!

I have to live with it for another year. I'm obligated to do it as i'm staying under other ppl's house. She dun cos her mum owns the place... She is what i call " A little princess" as she is only 18 going 19. She is still the 'baby' in the house. Jen deal with it....

ok. all i have to say for now...tired.. time for bed!