crappy past 2 weeks

These past 2 weeks was a crappy week!!!

Was busy with work, tired.. and it was my visa delay issue.. then to top it off, emma took the washing machine and her mum now say the place is unfurnished. The rest will remain until further notice.

Crap! now have to find house. Anyway i intend to find a place near city anyway.. so i did. looked at 5 places so far and found one decent, reasonable one to stay. Rent slightly more ex but near city is bound to be ex.

haven confirm yet as i just saw it ytd. My parents ok with it so i sms the person this morning and will call in the afternoon to confirm.

and hopefully can move in ASAP. went to do my laundry at laundry mat... tiring and costly.

so now i'm packing up my stuffs. its just been such a crappy week.

Now so many need to change once i move. like need change all my address... haiz.. argh!!!...

dealing with it.

I PASSED!!!!

I'm finally graduating!!!!

I'm offically a degree holder...

My dad so proud till he cry...
makes me want to cry too!!!

Waiting for results... some updates

waiting for my results. Hope i pass all, i want to pass all. I want to grad!!!

17mins to go.....

some updates so far. Confirm doing the training course. have already paid the deposit. Now working and saving as much as i can in hope i can pay off the 3 grand to start the semester or at least part of it.

It starts is Feb 26th, 2 days after my graduation. So, i will be going for my graduation holiday early.

Now looking for a new place near city cos nearer to subiaco where i go for training and near where i currently working as casual. Still looking.

Got my Automatic licence last week. Picture looks funny but have to stick to it if not have to pay to retake. Maybe getting a car of my own next year.
That's what my dad says but we'll see how it goes.

Bought the complete series of Stephenie Meyer's book - Twilight Saga. I hope it is nice to read.

8 more mins.....

6 more mins....

oh.. she told me her wedding on 22th and ask me to be a bridesmaid..
so happy and honoured! But provided i can return back in time and i can manage to take a break from the training program... argh!!!

feels like i already planned the next 6 months ahead. Not use in doing things like this.

about him... he seems truthful, sincere and really nice... That is in our conservations. we haven chat on the phone yet. But i tend to wonder what if our perception of each other is interpreted wrongly by our thinking?

I think he would think the same too. Cos assume he is for real, he too will think am i for real. right?

so i think we will take things slow... when i happen to get back spore and we plan to meet up then see how from there. Nothing might even happen. hmmm... true.. but of cos i do want some chemistry to work or something... Oh man! i'm just being desperate.

1 more min

>1 min....

the time has come...
oh gosh
strike 12 already

let's see if i can get online...
brb to update the results!

Finally... no more exams!!!!

But i'm so sick now... down with a flu and fever.

feel horrible....

I finally say ' i miss you' to Nigel. Oh god... am i moving too fast? He sounds quite serious in what he says... hmm... i dun know.. maybe like this song... its all a joke... faith is playing me. Or maybe i'm desperate to think it is going to work out... i dun know...

getting some rest now... tired

just finish one exam. The only one i was super stressed about. I do hope i pass, my friend think i will pass, but i do not feel the confident on what i wrote. I know some calculation i am wrong... i dun know.

Now my next paper is friday. not so stress.. but want to aim high... striving for it. :) then next tuesday is last one.. then i'm free.....

have an marketing job interview after exam... dun remember even applying for it. Will not stress, cos its not like i'm going to get it. But i need get accounting job if i want get PR. hmm...

My friend suggest i study CPA program to help me find job. My mum ask me to see if do Master better... Master is better to get PR but when you are master ppl in the world request more from you. Now as an undergrad already request you have experience.... so stressful. I know my parents want me get job here as whole world is on recession. So in singapore will be worst.. and pay low. hmmm.... I need find job first.. ppl must hire me.. My god.. not easy find...

i will try here first, if unsucessful then i will return to Singapore. Not getting younger, both CPA and master during is roughly the same but CPA is cheaper in fees as only 6 units. Master is 12 units, 4 each sem... haiz!!!

Can't worry now, have to focus on exam first.

A little update on Nigel, hmm... he send me a mtv video.. its a chinese song, title 'i want to say', then chorus is i want to say i cannot live without you...etc. I try not to interpret too much. I just say nice song.. who is the singer etc... act as blur as possible.

he still constant say he miss me and send the monkey kiss icon.. i just response like, how sweet or just a smile icon. I scared to put too much feel to this 'online relationship'. Its just me, i cannot get pass the fact that i haven met him in person and know him as a person, i cannot say things like i miss him now...it just feels not right.

i want say it only when i mean it. i'm not being silly am i? Then today, i heard a song, its actually saying how i feel now towards him. chorus is like i think i'm starting to like you but i just met you, i guess i'm starting to like you but are you for real???.... you listen on my blog if you understand chinese... hehe

hmm.... dreaming to much.. i know.... back to studies now.. will keep you updated...

Finding love at the wrong place?

Meet someone online recently. He is nice. He is 24 in singapore. working as a chef and part-time musician. Sounds very interesting yet intimidating. He is a year younger yet he sounds he has achieved so much in life. and me being a year older is only just finishing a degree.

we chatted for quite some time but for most of the time he is away as he is sick with an eye infection. when we chat, he sometimes will say things i miss you... i didn't reply as i think is still too early to say that to someone who you just met online and haven met. But i do miss him when he never online.

am i being a hypocrite? saying one thing yet feeling another. am i really falling for him?

i hardly doubt it cos i never met him, i hardly know him. i think is mentally i am desperate to find love. then i tend to find it at a wrong place. so see how it goes.. you never know what will happen... hmm.... back to my assignment....

So so sad

So so sad! i didn't get the PR points i want again. reading short of 0.5 again! damn it! i can stay on 15 points but total overall PR i need 120. and i'm short of 10. if i get 25, i have enough points to get PR.

Dec will be my last try to get PR. if i still dun get it, then it is return back to S'pore.

Driving test is in 2 weeks time... i hope i can make it... Jen you can do it!...

School starting next week. haven done any of the prereading yet.. or no!. I'm last semester. i need to work hard for it... Jia you!

ok study time! no time left.. have to work tmr so only left today to do some reading...

Now on holidays

Finish my exams on monday, went home with kylie and took a nap. Watch tv and went bed early then on tuesday, rang the driving center to change test dates but no luck then went driving then went city to do my eye brows, walked around, had lunch - jap food then went shopping. Spent too much on clothes.. oh no! I cannot spent anymore.. as i'm broke and i won't be able to bring all my clothes home. Sigh!

then i wanted to trim my hair but didn't trust the hair salons and haven decided if i want to curl my hair yet. Afraid it won't turn out to be nice on my face. Sigh! Some ppl do look good with curls but some don't. I'm afraid i'm one of the ppl who won't look good in them.

worked since wednesday till today, so tired. have to work on sunday morning but going drinking with kylie and her friends at 10pm till 3+am.. i will be so tired by sunday but luckily i have monday off so i can sleep in.

need to wake up early tomorrow to wash my clothes... lots of clothes i need to wash and dry them... so tired.

want to start reading bus cap but so tired and no mood.. then want prepare for IELTS also no mood.. will do them tomorrow i think. tired tired tired... hope my com wun crush again... tired of restoring it... haiz... yet cannot back a new version. data error.. sigh!

Missing him again... wonder how is he and of cos his dog JD. hehe... I think he is either in S'pore back to his new posting for the next 6 months or still in France and leaves tomorrow.

I'm just waiting someone to win my heart so i could forget him completely. where are you????

One more to go - last paper for this sem. Hope i do ok in it and for my other papers, fingers cross!

Mum told me Daniel is going back Sg for 6 mths then after return France again but doesn't mean anything. Nothing will ever happen as he is still a million years away from me.. (See.. i'm starting to imagine things again!)

I keep telling myself I need to face reality, nothing will happen but my mind likes to go the opposite way. Maybe i should stop saying that then maybe he will slowly fade away from my mind and memory.

How i wish, the only time that will happen is when u not breathing anymore. When will find my the other half? Saw grey's episode last week, story about a woman who had no boyfriend all her life, now in her 40 to 50's found a soul mate on a curise but no one believed her as they believe it was just an illusion caused by her brain tumor not even her own sister. Everyone tries to convince her its not real, making her lose her will to live. I don't want that! I don't to be only in my 40 or 50 then find my first love and everyone thinks its impossible and no one believes you as all my life i'm a loner.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A LONER!!!! why no one likes me? is it because i'm fat, ugly or basically hairy??!! I know i have a lot of my dad's genes in me that is causing me to be very hairy but i'm not a bad person but why? Maybe i just haven really love the way i look and feel yet. I can say its a bit hard with what i have but i'm trying, i'm really am!

Oh man! i think its hard to love me no wonder ppl dun love me. Sigh! oh well! got to love myself... will try! got to slp now.. 2am need to study tmr!

I'm not ready

I'm not ready, not ready for anything!! I'm not ready for the main road yet. I thought i was but i panic when we went on highway with so many cars so near me. My instructor a little dissapointed so was I. So many of my friends learning driving, I bet they are way better than me. Sigh! Why am such a scary cat or shall i say a scary pig?! But i have to face it cos my driving test is coming. I will try again next week.

I'm not ready for the exams. Its 2 days away.. i'm scared but i have to be prepared and pass them all. No more delays. No more repeats. Simply can't afford to repeat.

i'm not ready to go out to the world to work yet cos lack of experience and afraid i will do bad in the first job or unable to find one.

I know i'm a worry freak and stress freak but that's me. Me and my study plans.. never work... slack by so much... oh gosh..

miss my family. Miss him of cos.. A BIG BIG NONO! very hard to process the words impossible between us.. LOL.. but have to face the reality. He is such a good catch, yet he remains - sure has his reasons. So many good looking gals with better qualifications and other matching personailities with him - even if he decides to look for 'the one', i won't stand a chance anyway so have to move on and move on quick.

Don't want Joe's words to come true - i only get my first true love when i'm in my 30's. NO!NO!NO! Sometimes i wonder what i lack when all my friends are getting so many ex-boyfriends or they are in a strong relationship. Am i that bad that no one likes me as who i am?!

Its very depressing! Sigh! no time left.. have to get back to my studies! Love angel will you come soon for me????

oh my, haven blog for so long! well as usual busy with uni. exams in 2 weeks. Not much time left! Sigh! Having lab test this friday worth 30%, have to pass and pass it well! then have one taxation quiz next week worth 10% then another mini test for finance worth 5%. need that! simply a few % can make a difference between passing and failing. I learnt that the hard way! Don't want to go through that again. I don't want to put my family through that again!

Driving so far... hmm... i don't know. Instructor says i'm good but i don't feel that way! I'm not confident. Tomorrow is my 2nd last lesson and i have to ring for a test appointment after that. Oh shits! Sigh!

Now i'm worried on driving and studies but of cause studies come first. I'm just not confident in 3 units. Hmm... Have to work very hard!

Have been thinking about him lately, wonder he doing in France. I know i cannot let my mind run wild but the brain not listening. LOL! I do miss him though! My mum always talk about him. Sigh! Better drown myself in my books... lock him up somewhere in the mind for the next 3 -4 weeks. LOL... blog again when i can.. tata!

Bought a new pair of boots last week. it was nice, comfy and i found my size plus.. its flat... love flat boots.. love heels but i'm never good in them... hehe... of cos i wish to wear nice boots with heels.. but i'm just not a heels person.. sigh...

anyway.. broke.. till i get a proper job, i will get heels for work..LOL.

week break over so that means exam is coming.. oh no.. jia you jen... have to pass...

driving lessons so far is ok.. but sturbon me.. still tend to drive too slow or too fast, turnings not so good. sobz... sigh... jia you! you can do this.

i still miss him but not that much anymore.. i think is a good thing.. no point lingering my feelings on him cos like i say before and my friends all think so.. nothing will happen... too many things to take into considerations.. so move on jen. maybe the right one is yet to come ... will it come in the next 5 years? before i turn 30? i do hope so.. but the love god might play a joke with me by never matching me with anyone.. LOL could i be lonely for my entire life?

i still remember what angie said to me abt 3-4 yrs ago..." i need to love myself first before someone else can love me" but how do you actually do that? i've been trying my best to love myself as much as i can... try to lose weight..etc... sigh...man, love and life... its just something hard to predict.... oh well..... am 25 now.... old.. like joe say... will i only get my first love at 28 and end happy or in tears? i dun know..

oi! love god, i know i not pretty and slim.. not perfect but not cruel or evil type.. why no one like me leh? sigh! .. back to my studies... sigh.. now must grad first... its the most important thing in life right now. dun wish to disappoint my family again!

my new handphone pouch

thinking of him again

i was trying my best not to think of him by going gym, taking my driving lesson, drown myself in my studies and work. basically doing anything other than thinking of him.

but things just pop in once in a while just like today.. wasn't thinking of him at all.. but so happen this guy who looks like him board the bus. sitting near me.. OMG! how to not to think of him??!!! Dun worry that is not him on the bus.. as i know he is in france now... ai yo! so look alike... my god.. i keep trying my best to look away and not thinking about him.. try to think something else like my poor leg - twisted it ytd. sobz so n gym for this week.

things like this always happen.. i mean abt him.. in uni.. at bus stop waiting for the bus.. my god.. saw a student that looks like him... so many ppl look like him.. am i seeing things??!! my god...

is my inner mind so desperate for a boyfriend that i am starting to imagine things? though at the age 25 still no boyfriend not like most of my friends who have plenty of it.. sometimes i do envy them... hmm.. maybe becos i am fat that's why no bf lah... working very hard to lose weight.. trying my best.. sobz... oh well back to my taxation.. got to finish so i can do audit.. its more scary!

last night... thought of him again.. went face book to search for his name.. and guess what.. i found him.. this time is really him as there was a picture of him posing during CNY in one of the SG shopping center. not sure where could be tampiness but anyway... suprise to find him... the previous one i said i found one.. was a different one... haha.. this prove my friend wrong.. there can be more than one same name same surname in france. france so big.. LOL... kidding!

but found him, i didn't do a thing... just smile at the pic.. silly right... if i add him or poke him.. he will be thinking i actually spend time to search for him in facebook.. LOL... oh well... i believe i will forget him soon with my busy studies... super stress this week! tmr i have my tax quiz.. stress.. better get back to my studies...

but i still happy to see him in facebook

i haven blog for a while... hmm.. where to start...

uni starts.. tax and audit is really tough. they both are important units and everyone ask me y i put them together. i dun know. sobz. now i haven chosen it.. i got to stick to it... can't fail.. nonono....

having a tax online quiz.. haven study yet. oh god... come on jen u can do it. i think on wed or tue i saw a guy that looks like daniel. damn it... make me think of him again.. sigh... anyway... i only can say.. oh well he is like million miles away. no chance lah... hehe... better get back to my books.. i'm 3 weeks behind!!!!! nonono

1/3/08

Today i found out that i didn't manage to score grade 7 for all the 4 sections in my IELTS test so which means i won't be able to apply for PR. My friends over here ask me to retake. I don't know. Don't feel like retake. Not that i don't like perth. I do love it here. Its just my heart is with my sister. I miss her so much... excuse. i think i just miss the life in Singapore. but that doesn't mean i wun miss the life here. I will too. the main thing is i am afraid i might be able to get a job here. You need at least a PR to get a job plus they look at your grades. In SG, they look at your grades too but at least i dun have to worry abt the citizenship. so i think i will return to SG.

But i will still give driving another try. I am still scared. i still have the fear in driving... but i will force myself to overcome it... i hope i do.. but i think i will give myself a limit. if i fail 3 times. i think i will stop. i dun know. see how it goes.

yesterday came home, browse through facebook. i think i found him - daniel. no pic though so not for sure. but his location is in france with a few sinagpore friends. wondering is it him. it has his surname. haha.. oh no! i'm still thinking of him... come on jen.. forget him already.. its never going to happen... snap out of it... grow up... argh!!! okok.. better get back to my tutorials.. so many to read and do... 3rd yr units are really really really tough! all the best to me lah.

My whole trip in general

I was advice that.. to write it short and simple... actually i am also kind of lazy to write alot.. hehe

this 2mths holiday i think is the best i can ever have. I went back to Sg first in mid dec to meet up with some of my friends. miss them dearly. met up with my relatives first of cos, met up with mingfen as i have to pass her the blueberry strudle, met up with my buddies from sec sch miss out charmian though.. pity, then met up with my poly friends and of cos a few of the friends from laos trip.

Then i was off to paris to meet up with my mum and dad. we tour the eiffel tower, arc de triomphe, chateau, chambord and many more. we tour paris for 5 days before heading back home at Bordeaux. we rest for a few days and heading to tour Lyon with my dad's collegues. we went to visit the church and snow mountain. played snowball with them.. it was fun. then we headed back bordeaux after 2 days for dinner and my dad went to work. so i stayed home with my mum. accompany her to buy groceries and stuffs while waiting for my sis to arrive in mid Jan.

When my sis came, we went on tour with a tour group to paris and italy. it was great fun. seen lots of historical buildings and took lots of pictures. hehe... the tour took 8 days. bought lots of souviners. End of the tour, we went back paris to get my LVs.. yeah! bought a wallet and key pouch... thks daddy. luv ya!

then we went back home to rest a few days then we were off to Andorra. Its a small country in between France and Spain. We went there for the snow mountain. nice! played snowballs again! the hotel we booked was nice too.. had a kitchen so we had steamboat for dinner. yummy!

then we went home at Bordeaux to help my mum in the CNY function dinner. my mum is in charge of doing the cold dish.. it took us a week. then we went to our ST's CNY dinner... it was fun and we went home and the next day we sat off to our final paris trip. after our trip, me and my sis flew back to S'pore. Miss my parents.

then at S'pore, i manage to meet up with my relatives, 2 of my sec sch buddies and my bowling friends. it was fun and great to meet up with them.. will miss them... hehe.. now back in perth .. uni is abt to start.. going to be busy.... start work 2mr... i shld be ok.. made a lot of changes in life lately.. now is see if i could keep up with and fulfil it... i will do my best... gtg now... blog soon!

I think my sis has fallen for the same guy as me. oh dear! I can tell by the way she talks! she acts more sweet and gentle in front of him. Its not the same attitude in front of her friends. Sigh! I knew it!

I knew she would.. even before she met him. though he didn't say he like either of us.. but even if he did.. i will still give him up for my sis. she know i would. u can call me silly but she is my only sister and she is also like my best friend. I can't lose her! I don't want anything to come between us.

Come to think... if i was him, i would go for someone much older anyway - that would be my sis... lol... oh well... Love... not meant to be lah...

oh... i 've slacked on my blog.... haven keep track of the events for the past 2 weeks... opps...i try to find time... maybe have to wait till i return SG or perth.... hmm... now have to help my mum with her CNY function dinner stuffs... bye!

so scared of my leg. my ankle still hurts when i touch the hollow area. I think i injured my nerves. oh no... i now wear the ankle support all day. my knee seems ok ... i not sure. cos when i touch the side.. its pain but i touch the side of my other knee.. the degree of pain is like the same.. i not sure is i injured both knees or the left knee is ok...

haiz. i shld have read my horoscope on the saturday morning. then this wun happen.

its been only like 2 days and i already miss him.. Oi! snap out of it... its not meant to be lor... i know deep down nothing will happen between us lah... oh well.. life goes on after i return to perth... hehe

oh my poor legs... pls recover... i need u to tour leh... now have to go do excerise on the legs... that is do cycling... haha...

I should post the holidays trip i've been since i went back to Sg and france but haven complete yet as i haven upload the pictures yet but will post soon.. and more to come hehe!

today i will post something abt today. Today he went back to SG. for 2 weeks to get the ingredients for the CNY dinner. its just 2 weeks only so will be ok. YTD he came over as my mum made him soup as he was still sick. then he was jealous my parents dote me and my sis as both of his parents has passed away. then my mum say she already treat him like son. MY GOD! that mean i only can call him BROTHER! wahaha! ok lor! nice having a brother too! hehe!

then b4 he left how nice of him still ask if i want anything from SG. aiyo i know i think toooo..... much lah... i know i know. he only really treat me like xiao mei mei lah... haha... better than nothing lah...

worst is yet to come. today i nearly got knocked over by my dad's car. i did get knocked over but just a little bit. twisted my left knee and my right ankle. it all happen so fast. i only remember talking to my mum then i got hit by my dad. left leg got twisted then right leg nearly went under the wheel.

i still able to walk but a bit aching. nearly gave my dad a heart attack. he never expect me to come out of the road and i never expect him to move. (we were in a carpark) both of us was at fault. my mum was so mad at my dad. she keep saying if he haven stopped in time, i will be under the car! but i'm ok.

came home, rub some chinese medicine and wear knee guard and ankle guard. call my sis she asked me to call a doctor if needed as i had travel insurance. they will cover all expenses. i think i'm really ok now. but i dun know what will happen if we go tour next week. 8 days tour 5 countries. hmm... i hope i will be ok. but it was the scariest thing that happen in my life ever. same goes for my dad. he keep saying this is his first time hitting a person and worst the person is his daughter. i keeping telling him i'm fine. i hope i am i think i am...then my mum say it is a bad year for all 3 of us as she read the chinese horoscope book! pengz! she ask me to be careful when i go back. haiz...ok lah.. i go rest my 2 fat legs.. wahaha!!!

Opps i did it again!

Again, i have fallen for someone i should not have. He is cute, sweet and funny. But i know its impossible. 1: he is 15 yrs older than me; 2: he is my dad's collegue (dun worry he is single); 3: its just impossible.
read my horoscope, it says impossible too. I have to think about a lot of issues. well i think is true. never been in a relationship before no idea what will happen in any situations. like i say i always let my emotions get the better of me. suddenly i feel i'm being very desperate. haha! i do enjoy my single life. do what i want and etc. but yet part of me do feel lonely. maybe i'm all alone in perth. i dun know. haha!

i think when i return to perth, i will forget abt him bah.. haha.. cos i will be so stress with my studies... keke...