With Dora at Fremantle - Fri, 7th of Dec

Today, Dora and i went Fremantle to get some sweets and noughts. I got mingfen sweets and Dora got her relatives and friends lots of noughts and souviners. I also got the girls in my A4 class something hope they like it.. but didn't get for ah nie cos i think she in AUS so shld be no need i guess.. the most i give her something else.. hehe... then we went to have our lunch. We ordered seafood platter for 2. Its not as big as i thought as i went to a restuarent that serves much bigger at a lesser price. The fish and chip was alright. Can't really tell the difference. No idea why ppl say its the best there?! LOL.


The Seafood Platter


A picture of me and Dora

Woo.. i'm so fat! OMG! then we went to take some pictures at a park in Fremantle. Still waiting for Dora to send it to me.. hehe... She is returning to Brunei soon.. going to miss her. :( Such a good friend. Can't wait to go back SG to see my sis and go France to see my parents. Miss them so much.

Results out at wed 00:00. tue 12mn... so scared. i hope i will pass all. bought so many clothes for myself. OMG! spend so much.. now i can't spend anymore... i'm broke! Yes ! No money already! go back only can eat cheap cheap food. Budget... must lose weight too. LOL...

Bought a boots for my jie jie as her Xmas gift cum bday gift cos it so expensive!!! but i love her. bought daddy and mummy a christmas present as well. can say its also their belated mother's day, father's day and their bdays' present. hehe! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! i know they love me too. my luggage so packed.. headache. overload already! got to take some winter clothes out. dun want to get charged at the airport. tired.... hehe.. 2mr going harbour town to change my sis boots size... sleepy! hehe... can't wait to go back!

Additional photos:

sad news

my mum told me last nite my dad is sick. The sickness is smoking related. i'm quite upset. having such a mix feelings rite now. Since young, i know this day will come but part of me hopes it doesn't come at all. But what hurts me more, he still wants to smoke. still wants me and my sis to buy cigettres. I was so upset. He know smoking will do him no good now.. he still wants.. dun he want see me go down the aisle if i ever get to do it?!

It made me think twice. if i ever fail and/or unable to continue studying, i maybe will go back SG to work so he could retire. I care about how ppl look and think of me in the way that i spent so many years in Aus but unable to finish my degree but, i rather come out work and let my dad retire, spend living stress-free.

Now i have a confuse mind, dun know what to do. I really want him to enjoy rest of his life work free but i'm currently unable too. My dad should change his life style now. when i go over, i will make him walk with me on weekends. I love him but hate his sturboness. :(

Headache. planning a gathering is really tired. i'm bored too... nothing to do.. nothing to watch... i want watch some dvds or drama.. sobz!!! haiz....just so damn bored. so fat now.. so hot outside... haiz!!!....i dun know what to do.. BORED!

Simply Can't Stand Her Man!

i just dun understand how she thinks. the bin is already very full on wed nite. she stuff it with more of her pile that night. i refuse to throw it away that night. she shld know how to throw away. she shld learn. we are her housemate not her maid. but no of cos she didn't....

ytd i came home after studying in uni. she went home to mandurah... she sort of cleaned her room but she didn't put away her stuffs in the living room.. she didn't even wash the dishes she used like 2 weeks ago. kylie and i refuse to wash, or clean for her. Y shld we pick up after her?!
i was more pissed off by the bin. the fact that it was already very full on wed nite, yet she kept on throwing more of her junks in the bin. its obvious its already full yet she still can throw more and more stuffs plus.. no space throw on the kitchen table.

WTF!!! she has a brain but y she didn't use it?! its not difficult for her to tie up the bag and throw it out. its not that hard. i absolutely have no idea how she thinks. her brain izn't that small. u dun even have to use much brain cells to think. MY GOD!... my mum asked to me to look for another place but its not that easy. you have to move house which means i have to tear down my computer table and my desktop.. etc... very troublesome.... anyway i have another yr left.... i can bear with it... the most i throw and throw the rubbish bag.. fine... but i will never do her dishes for her... i just thinks she needs to learn to wash her own dishes, throw the rubbish and do the house chores....

I told kylie, if the stuffs are still there after exam... i'm going to throw them away... but she told me she is the daugther of Rhonda so we can't say her. True! well... i think after exam.. i will throw all her stuff from the living room in her room, dun wash her dishes...

Just simply cannot stand her... she is 5 times worst than me!... MY GOD! i'm messy in my room but not in the living room. I know my limit when it comes to messy. Too messy i cannot stand... i will clean... she.. haiz!!! PLS GROW UP!!!!! you are 19 already!!!! HOPELESS!!!!!

Sick Sick Sick

Sick Sick Sick .. Sick of the weather!!! make me feel sick! headache... ate pandol but not working... headache... dun know what to have for dinner later... they dun wash their dishes.. hate it lor!!! OMG!

exam coming in 2 weeks i so scared now... study study study .. cannot fall sick!!! sobz..hate sick sick sick...

3 more weeks to exam

just 3 more weeks to exam .. i'm so scared! Why time fly so fast???!!! study study study... OMG... i have disappoint my law corp tutor i think. sigh! so much to do.. lab test next week.. haven practice yet.. die...

This week work extra 2 days cos not enough staffs. hope next week is back to normal. chatted with dad ytd and he planned my holiday. i will be going back S'pore for 2 weeks and rest of my holidays are in france.. cool! can't wait but have to study hard first! jia you jia you! 11+ already.. better study now.. have class at 8 2mr... Zzzz...

scary

scary.. a china girl was murdered near her home in perth on tuesday morning. she was found half naked. clothes and her bag were found a walking distance away from her. She studying in ECU in Joondalup where i use to stay.

I heard stories like high school girls gets raped in Joondalup. <- my mum told me... scary sia!! now i do dare go out so late... if i do i make sure someone send me home... worried... haven told my mum though...

CPA never reply me on my internship outcome... most likely not selected lah.. sobz... then if not selected.. the question now is where do i go for summer holidays? when do i go? France or SG??? don't know.... My jie jie never reply me... hmmm.... anyway.. study first.. plan later.... exam coming.. 4 more weeks.. plenty to catch up and study.. OMG! I'm so scared! better sleep now.. nitez!

What a scary and unlucky day

today was a scary day and unlucky day for me. on the way to work, waiting for the bus i got screamed at by a Aussie girls driving pass. i don't know her and i dun know y they like to scream like that. crazy... feels like they are high or something. then went to work.

end of work waiting for bus with my collegue, a car drive pass me while the passenger threw a bottle at me. WHAT THE HELL!!!! my collegue say maybe they trying to aim for the bin.. i look at the bin... the bin was not next to me... my god! its a distance away.. if they aim for bin it wun even hit me lor. My god.. ppl grow up! i was cursing! then i asked the bus security, he say they get cranky when the weather starts to become dry and warm. luckily, the bottle just hit my arm not cut it... no brusie but a bit sore.

then i had to change another bus to get home. so i waited at berrick st. then just b4 the bus arriving, i got screamed at again by another car, this time is a Aussie guy. WTH! sms my sister.. got on the bus and hurried home... scared...

2mr i want go chinese store to get some things.. a bit scared though...sobz

things happen

just received 2 of my test results. both didn't as well as i expected. i thought i could do better as these units that i had mid term test are those that i repeat. but i have no idea why the results turn out this way. very upset about it.

i didn't really want to apply for internship in SG but they send an email requesting i send in my essay and results. so i did. i know my chances of getting an internship is low but i still try anyway. you never know what will happen if you don't try. so i happen to get an internship, i will delay my trip to france till next yr.

only left 4 more weeks to exam... have to catch up... its very crucial now. ok.. better get back to my books.....

In the emotion - saddness

after seeing kylie having a wonderful 21st bday and mingfen having hers... it makes me feel sad. i know i didn't have one. i did have a party which my sis asked to plan but it was like feb.. it didn't feel right at the time... it feels like i am doing a bday party for someone else but not me. i feel so alone.. after my sis return to brisbane. i felt so damn alone especially on the actual day itself. oh well i can't wind back the time.. its been 3 yrs.

however, for the past 24 yrs... my bday has been so damn lonely. i think the happiest was ..... i can't remember... how sad... i can't remember which yr is the happiest... i dun have one bday with my family and friends together. part of me feels so sad, the other part is asking me to put my shoes in other ppl... they dun have what i have etc... but but.. isn't my life all about me?

ppl in my life always ask me to think of others, telling me not to selfish... can't i be selfish for once... i only live once as WANSHI.... but who cares... they are too focus on themselves and pulling u in to focus on them... that i dun have the time and the chance to focus on myself. i think the only time i had the chance to focus on myself is when i am all alone in a place like now. all alone in perth.

Sometimes i will ask myself questions like : where do i belong? Will my ppl like my friends remember me? Do they know i exist? What am i going to do next? .....

after writing so much... it always make me very tired.. tired to think abt it... my life is not a good one... no perfect life... no perfect me... going 25 soon... getting old... still no idea who i truly am? its that pathetic? i guess so.

all i can say i envy them.. they had experienced what i don't have and all i can do is envy. life really do sucks at times. No offence to those are reading this.... i just throwing my nonsense out...ignore me

Scared the hell out of me

On Tuesday, i received a notice stating i owed Australian Government $1,164.30. OMG! I freaked out! I asked my housemate Emma to help me out on how to resolve this. She helped me called the Australian Tax Office (ATO) and asked why i owed them so much. They checked and asked me question like how long i have been here and etc. After some questions, she said there is good news.

Under Tax Purposes, i am considered a resident and it is different from Immigration point of view. She said many ppl also misunderstood the meaning so all i had to do was write a letter to ATO to apologize about the mistake, state that i misunderstood the meaning and request them to amend my tax refund form. With this letter, later i should receive a cheaque of $430 instead. Phew!

Then when i was writing my letter i realise my working visa has expired. i began another panic attack so i print out the form and fill them up. The next day, i went to Uni to seek confirmation that i'm still a student in Uni then rush down to Immigration Office in the City. Waited for half an hour, it was my turn. Went up, they checked my visa and told me i do not have to re-apply for working visa as it auto extend the expiry date to match my current student visa expiry date. Ok! At least i know that's over.

Then i went for lunch and a bit of shopping. Went in to Esprit and look around. Though on sale, its still very expensive. They have very nice bags and clothes. Then in the end i bought myself a new wallet and an umbrella.

My New Esprit umbrella

Stripes umbrella - like the colours purple and pink

My New Esprit Wallet

My pretty wallet

Inside My Wallet

I also bought myself a pair of earnings and a simple braclet. Actually wanted to get Dior earings, necklace and braclet... but didn't.. maybe i get that for my christmas present and my sis bday. hehe! Broke! lol! Haven been working these past few weeks as i have to study for my mid semester exam. Now have to aim to score well in exam so i could go France with my sister. Yuppy! hehe! My dad said i could go over this summer holidays if i pass this semester so i'm trying my best! :)..

wasted 4 days this week. never study.. bad bad! better study now....

Still thinking of both of them

Lately i had different dreams. it involves them both. seperate dreams of cos. i dun know why i still dream about them. It feels as do i still miss them. i should get over them by now... actually i should be.... i dun know y i still miss them though.. lol... haiz.. what to do.. they dun like me... not their cup of coffee... oh well... better move on with my life.. dun wan to dwell in it like the movie 200 pound girl...

actually really thought about it haiz... my mr right hasn't been found yet... still waiting... better study now

my shoes & my bag

Recently bought a bag and some new shoes. Below are the pics.

My Cherry Shoe... hehe very cute


My pink shoe... in my size.. so happy last pair though but nice


The back of my new bag


The front of my bag. this bag from Charles & Keith


My second pair of boots.. wanted to get a flat one
but could not find in my size. but this boot is nice. hehe


My first brown boots. my mum bought for me.. hehe


Woo~ my favourite sandals from Charles & Keith in my size too.. hehe

Rainbow

Saw a full rainbow on sunday.. very pretty but its so big that i can't get the whole rainbow in one picture so no choice i have to seperate them. Here they are from left to right of the rainbow.





this is prove of the site of the second rainbow

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,

You were meant to be the way you are exactly.

Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.

When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.

And i hope you always stay the same,

Cuz there's nothing about you i would change.

I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be.

If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.

Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,

Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

Believe in yourself.

Reach down inside.

The love you find will set you free.

Believe in yourself, you will come alive.

Have faith in what you do.

You'll make it through.

Kylie's Bday at the Pub

Me and Roselyn

Me and my house mate Emma

My house mate, Emma and Kylie's friend Roseyln.

Oh dear!

oh dear! 2mr is the last day of week 2! i'm terrible! first 2 weeks i already miss 2 lectures! i know i shouldn't but they really bore me out. they accounting system lecture 2 and finance principle lecture 2. oh man! Jen you cannot like that lah!

2 weeks have almost passed and i truly truly only study chapter 1 of law corp as it was the easiest. oh dear!!! finance principle chapter 2 still ok.. dun like chapter 1 though... theories... accounting system and managerial also theories... die...

in 3 weeks is mid sem test and assignments due dates... i better start doing but i always tell myself 2mr... I'm a bad procrastinator!....pls make it go away!

today went to law corp tut, praying so hard not to be liz.. but it was liz... scared to see her... but i keep telling myself nothing to be afraid... be desperate i need the marks! so i went in... so far ok... but i still get stunned when she ask me questions which i shld know especially i done it before.. but i'm still not... what's wrong with me?! i'm slow i guess...

a friend told me not to think like this... she even ask me to write a gratitude journal for myself but i always say bad things about myself.. i'm used to it... though i hate putting myself down but i just too use to it!

i'm 24, i know things have to change but i'm trying... its very hard to change...sigh!

its 8.40pm... still have so much to do!... blog when i have some time later or other time.

had the most weird dream ever... dreamt abt him and her. I know it will never happen in real life as i know for the fact they are not close.. they dun even talk to each other... but nothing is impossible... you never know.. they might be friends now or in the future... OMG!

i wun go into details as it will make me sick... more sick actually.. to think abt it already makes me sick! vomit!

One week really flies really quick. Zoom! its already end of first week beginning of second week! OMG! 2mr is the first day of the extra courses... all the best man... okok.. blog other time!

Oh i'm still sick

after 1 week, i'm still sick... still coughing and blowing my nose... but at least not that much 'tan'. (dun really know the true actually spelling of the english word) i really do wish this sickness will go away!

Uni is starting next mon and yet i haven done any revision yet! Oh no! i have to! i have to do my tutorials and making notes! Jen Jen! hurry! mid-term test is in one month's time then soon will be exams!

I must pass this sem no matter what! Jia you! tired.. eating medicine now..

Reflect on myself

Just one more week before uni starts.... and I'm still sick.
Keep feeling giddy and tired.

I know i should stop watching TV like Kylie. I should be like her - watch only grey.
I'm tempted to watch more which i know i should not. Its a SIN!

I should be studying. I plan to study chapter 1 of law corp today but i didn't. It all went to my nap and TV. Maybe its because I'm still sick or just maybe I'm using my sickness as an excuse. I know i cannot to fail any next semester. I just can't!

I will have to force myself to study no matter what from tomorrow and do as much tutorial as i can and borrow books to help in my English.
I really do need all the help i can get...

So far only one of my friend is on the same page as me on conditional status but somehow we are in different situations... hmm... i miss my family! I know all will support me all the way but i do know i need to be strong enough to support myself...

Recently i talk to a staff in the communication skills centre and i realise some things. Talking to her was like telling myself certain things. I know i have a hard time communicating with my family especially my mum. Their is a love hate relationship between us. I hate it but i just dun know how to resolve it. I dun wan to say something and regret later... a BIG NO NO!

And i think none of my friends do know the real me. Probably they only know the 'fake' me as i tend to hide behind a fake face. Many thinks I'm strong, independent etc.. some even think I'm rich... which I'm not...I'm really not. My dad work his life out to support me... and i know he say he will support me but i know its really hard money and i do feel bad and upset about it.

I can tell you I'm never strong and independent. I'm just weak... i cry in bed all the time (most of the time due to bad dreams) and i do rely on people a lot! I hate to compare myself with others; hate being a timid person; hate being sensitive; hate lots of things about myself but I'm brought up in this environment.

I remember Angie once said i must love myself in order for others to love me. I been trying to but someone or something will always put me down. How am i going to survive like this? I guess i just have to find a way through help or by myself.

OK. brain dead! so I'll end here for now.. continue whenever i can... believe tomorrow will be a better day!

Its been a while since i update my blog. My results will be out on wed 12am.. i'm so scared and nervous about the outcome. Maybe becos of that, i had nightmares!

I dreamt of someone close to me tried to kill my sister. Shoot her in the head and threw her off the roof...but she manage to escape her death... i nearly cried and screamed!!.. woke up telling myself it will never happen... went back to sleep and had another bad dream... dreamt someone stole my bag.... manage to find the thief by calling my cell and faking a employment coy and nearly got exposed by the crook and just in time my alarm rang and woke me up.

then i sms my sis.... worried about her safety... asking her to be careful.... i was so scared!! i still am...

then emma's mum coming so i start clean the kitchen. emma help me wash the dishes and cups but she didn't do her part for sweeping & moping the floor. she only cleaned her room.. damn... dun tell me i have to do it?! i did that chore last week. ( we rotate the chores each week) sickening...

sometimes she is really lazy. she can continue stuff the rubbish bin till the lid cannot be closed. kylie sometimes does the same! Don't they know what is called "throwing the bag when its full??!!!" Apparently they don't. I have to do that all the time. I am so pissed off about it! Everytime i come home, they bin will be there stuffed with rubbish. ARGH!!!

I have to live with it for another year. I'm obligated to do it as i'm staying under other ppl's house. She dun cos her mum owns the place... She is what i call " A little princess" as she is only 18 going 19. She is still the 'baby' in the house. Jen deal with it....

ok. all i have to say for now...tired.. time for bed!

What an unlucky day!

i don't know what is going on today?! cut myself while making hot chocolate... cut myself again somewhere... then cashier short by $85.30.. that's a lot then smart rider spoil dun know y too.. in the morning working fine.. now spoil.. WTH!! then nvm... come home.. my umbrella from jie jie spoil... sobz... today is not my day.... :(

got my pay back... if not i kill them.... haha... 2more weeks to exams... shit!!! i haven start any revision yet.. i'm dead... read dead meat.... damn.... sleep like pig today.. slept for 11hrs.. ouch.. whole body aching.... sleep too much... but nice n warm in bed... so cold.... freezing!!! okok.. better do my assignment or else no tv for me at night.... byebye...

not sure which is better hehe....

My new piggy pj for winter.. so cute.. hehe

pissed of my ppl today!

today what is going on?! pissed off by ppl...angry my tutor collect last week work.. i didn;t attend cos i need to study and i didn't do.. but of cos.. no such excuse.. nvm.. lose 5 marks.. sad...

then went back... pissed off by a asian student and the staff... i waited for 15 mins.. her number is after mine..cos i took the ticket before her ... she cut in front of me approach the staff who was packing up forms.. just becos she came yesterday doesn't mean she can be served first lor...

the staff actually served her.. i was so angry... what the hell... i walked off and went to class....totally pissed off.... so angry now...need to de-stress.. clean house... angry!

Me And my friends on my birthday lunch! Thanks for spending that day with me guys!

Irritated & pissed off

Today, my mood was ok till one of of collegues started to piss me off.. She became very bossy like she is the boss... attitude problem. she was even rude to 2 of our customers today! Oh my goodness! She even call them crazy! She should not have used that attitude towards the customers yet she don't think she has done anything wrong! She is lucky that the MEL was there.

Then i was going to get the ice coffee from one of fridge where she stood at... i asked her to excuse me.. she shouted there is milk at the other fridge you don't have to come here and take you don't have to come here and take!

At that point, i really wanted to scream back at her but i didn't i just said i dun need milk i need ice coffee. my temper nearly blow... instead of me pissing off.. she pissed off at me.. started to slam the fridge door so hard... bloody ldoit!

Then at 3pm i asked her sweep the floor she like not happy. Show me her angry face. Then normally after you sweep you will scrub the floor and mop the floor... she just stop at sweeping... walk around... i'm making coffee and she walk around cleaning not glass doors but our sign board... making herself busy... i give up.. 15mins time i'm leaving so i told her get me water so i do the scrubing and mopping... she happily go do that. my goodness... when she get the water.. she stop me from making coffee by saying " i do the coffee u go do the floor" commanding me around man.. who she think she is.

my boss??!!! oh pls.. she also just a part-time staff lor! R all china ppl so attitude problem and damn lazy??!! from my past experience most of them are like this except for 'lao pa' - shu feng.
i didn't want to ruin my day & mood so i said' ok fine' luckily another collegue help me mop while i scrub. so after i scrub i went off.

screw her! she is too proud of herself! she attitude with me fine... don't show it to customer.. she is working for other ppl lor... giving them bad impression! dun know her lah... now me and terena hate her. another staff also too much. no watch is no excuse for taking a long long very long break. she still have such a thing call handphone lor. she came in early today. she offically start at 9.30am... i dun know.. i needed help so i ask if anyone can come and help and serve.. she complain haven 9.30 yet... i haven start work yet... keep repeating.. i said ok.. sorry... then she went away.. came back at u guess.... 10am... wat's the diff in coming late and come early yet go away?! that's fine... she go for break... we took 30 mins as it is standard she take an hour!

i and terena was saying its not fair! no watch is no damn excuse! but other than that she is still better that china girl... ldiot! go eat dinner... angry!

trying to fix up this blog... hehe.. better have dinner and get back to my assignment.. done badly on my test.. so sad!

A new start - its about time

This is my new blog... closing the old one... think its about time to start fresh!