Reflect on myself

Just one more week before uni starts.... and I'm still sick.
Keep feeling giddy and tired.

I know i should stop watching TV like Kylie. I should be like her - watch only grey.
I'm tempted to watch more which i know i should not. Its a SIN!

I should be studying. I plan to study chapter 1 of law corp today but i didn't. It all went to my nap and TV. Maybe its because I'm still sick or just maybe I'm using my sickness as an excuse. I know i cannot to fail any next semester. I just can't!

I will have to force myself to study no matter what from tomorrow and do as much tutorial as i can and borrow books to help in my English.
I really do need all the help i can get...

So far only one of my friend is on the same page as me on conditional status but somehow we are in different situations... hmm... i miss my family! I know all will support me all the way but i do know i need to be strong enough to support myself...

Recently i talk to a staff in the communication skills centre and i realise some things. Talking to her was like telling myself certain things. I know i have a hard time communicating with my family especially my mum. Their is a love hate relationship between us. I hate it but i just dun know how to resolve it. I dun wan to say something and regret later... a BIG NO NO!

And i think none of my friends do know the real me. Probably they only know the 'fake' me as i tend to hide behind a fake face. Many thinks I'm strong, independent etc.. some even think I'm rich... which I'm not...I'm really not. My dad work his life out to support me... and i know he say he will support me but i know its really hard money and i do feel bad and upset about it.

I can tell you I'm never strong and independent. I'm just weak... i cry in bed all the time (most of the time due to bad dreams) and i do rely on people a lot! I hate to compare myself with others; hate being a timid person; hate being sensitive; hate lots of things about myself but I'm brought up in this environment.

I remember Angie once said i must love myself in order for others to love me. I been trying to but someone or something will always put me down. How am i going to survive like this? I guess i just have to find a way through help or by myself.

OK. brain dead! so I'll end here for now.. continue whenever i can... believe tomorrow will be a better day!