after seeing kylie having a wonderful 21st bday and mingfen having hers... it makes me feel sad. i know i didn't have one. i did have a party which my sis asked to plan but it was like feb.. it didn't feel right at the time... it feels like i am doing a bday party for someone else but not me. i feel so alone.. after my sis return to brisbane. i felt so damn alone especially on the actual day itself. oh well i can't wind back the time.. its been 3 yrs.
however, for the past 24 yrs... my bday has been so damn lonely. i think the happiest was ..... i can't remember... how sad... i can't remember which yr is the happiest... i dun have one bday with my family and friends together. part of me feels so sad, the other part is asking me to put my shoes in other ppl... they dun have what i have etc... but but.. isn't my life all about me?
ppl in my life always ask me to think of others, telling me not to selfish... can't i be selfish for once... i only live once as WANSHI.... but who cares... they are too focus on themselves and pulling u in to focus on them... that i dun have the time and the chance to focus on myself. i think the only time i had the chance to focus on myself is when i am all alone in a place like now. all alone in perth.
Sometimes i will ask myself questions like : where do i belong? Will my ppl like my friends remember me? Do they know i exist? What am i going to do next? .....
after writing so much... it always make me very tired.. tired to think abt it... my life is not a good one... no perfect life... no perfect me... going 25 soon... getting old... still no idea who i truly am? its that pathetic? i guess so.
all i can say i envy them.. they had experienced what i don't have and all i can do is envy. life really do sucks at times. No offence to those are reading this.... i just throwing my nonsense out...ignore me
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